My Life

 its day 8 of Ramadhan. I managed to do more than i did last year. Its difficult but i am trying. i saw someone posted that Ramadhan is not about increasing your amal only but actually to show what amal that you are capable of doing everyday... Masya Allah... basically all the good deed and ibadah are doable.. is just that we human choose not to do it after Ramadhan... I make dua' that may Allah accept my fast, my ibadah, my deed  and make me able to continue doing it after Ramadhan insyaAllah....

 in 4 days, 2020 will be leaving us. but apparently the Covid virus isn't. the numbers are still at 1000 over, with no sign of going down. The number in Kedah keeps on increasing to 20 over yesterday. I went to several Kenduris... early as I don't want to be among the crowd but even early is crowded already... I wanted to go for a holiday.. hanging out by the beach.. or simply stay at an expensive hotel once in a while.. but with the numbers like that, i am scared of course but people seem to be nonchalant about it.. so many cars on the road...; Chenang beach is full to the brim... SOP is taken for granted... Blaming games are everyone but no action seriously taken... I really really don't want the exam to be postponed anymore... though I am scared shit about being a leader but postponing would cause more harm than good.. to me n the kids... PLease people... be civilized... show some responsibilities as the citizen of Malaysia... I dont want 2021 is welcome with another PKP

 precisely 7 months ago, Malaysia had our very first PKP throughout the country. we were taken aback as this is the 1st time ever we had to deal with this thing called COVID 19. To be honest life at that time was not good.. I gained weight, online classes were terrible. no support from whatsoever.. you are on your own. now after we managed to curb the 1st and 2nd waves.. we had to go through the 3rd one. No PKP anymore but its getting worst as peope whom supposed to be our role model (not that we hope so) did not do their part. Which triggered the problem to be even more worst. I really hope that we would be able to put stop to this wildly spread of this virus. People should be more responsible on other people's health and life.. not just simple take everything for granted. Enough of my rant this evening. its been so long since i posted anything here.. i think almost 6 years.. so many things happened... but thats for another day. bye

another year added to my life... i'm officially 27 this day.... time flies... i admit, that sometimes i feel lost... like i'm the only one who isn't moving forward.... but then again, i'm not alone right? anyway, i started the day with pampering session with all the 'babies' i bought from Body Shop... hehehehe... well, the birthday girl deserved some treat after all right? then off to my tuition class with the kids... it turned out good... a lot came, did the work, and some even scored... i hope they will do it better on the day itself... then, spent  the whole evening with my two lovelies.... Nisrin & kak Umi~ we ate, we laughed, we talked, we cried.... i cherished this memory for at that moment, i am truly blessed with such great friends... and 20 minutes ago, i came back from watching Ninja Turtles with my brother.... we had fun! you should go and watch it if you haven't.... now, if you ask me, why are my parents aren't mention... it's because

yes, she's gone... gone from this world... i thought i wouldnt shed tears yet when I saw her, it didnt stop flowing... she looked so fragile with tubes all around... I forgive her Allah, for everything... and I hope she forgave me too... I didnt manage to say a word... just seeing her from the end of the bed, as the nurse hovered her, twisting tubes, adjusting the liquids...... gone the anger, the dissatisfaction, the hatred... I am a bad person... If only... if only... are phrases that remain 'if only'.... and now she's gone... i hope ALLAH will bless her soul... and keep her comfortable until Kiamat... till we meet again Mak Tok... I loved you... and I am sorry....

 a word to describe me this week.... i am so frustrated with myself & the kids~ i planned well, i prepared well all the materials, but yet they all failed! the kids are so noisy, the class is out of control... i am left utterly exhausted & frustrated.... my friend said that perhaps i had high hope, that's why i prepared things which were too hard for them... but the thing is, they were material from last year, for the same class.... *sigh* i dont know how can i survive these things for another 9 months.... i guess one way to stop feeling frustrated is to have no hope at all for them... maybe they dont deserve to be put on hope.... but one thing that really stop me from doing it is half of them do cooperate and did their work... while the other half make me feel miserable and turned the class into zoo!!!!! i dont know who to talk to, thus lead to this post.... i really pray that i will find the way out from this challenge... i guess the hurdle in teaching comes every three y