My Life

Hari yang aku x teruja... hari ni.... hari dimana kaki ku melangkah pergi... dari rumah sendiri... untuk berdikari... sendiri... lonely... sunyi... dammit! aku stress! awat susah bebenor nak jadi adult ni... kan best kalau bleh kekal jadi kanak2 selama-lama-lama-lamanya~    

kisahnya bermula dua minggu yang lalu.... aku dipesan untuk menghadirkan diri ke sekolah pada 27 hb... utuk belajar pa tah... something that got to do with result... yesterday, i msg Pk to confirm the date again... and guess what! i'm supposed to go on  the day of PMR result announced! bloody hell! n here i am so happy for going to Titi Hayun with my family, so confident about the date (ignoring the purpose) where the PURPOSE is the most important thing! so guilty man...... i msg an apologize to her... n the GB too... i have no idea how it would turn this way... so embarrassing... so instead of going there on 26, i now will go there on 28... every things happen for a reason.... n i learn the saying 'malu bertanya sesat jalan' the hard way~ p/s: selamat hari natal semua~

berjaya jugak akhirnya membawa kereta hingga ke Naka... 50km tu...hehehe... macam x caya lak bleh sampai... at least x selenguh time bawa p Yan... esok nak p Titi Hayun lak... another round of 'lenguh'ness... hikhikhik... semoga aku kekal berani dan berhati2 dalam membawa kereta tu pada masa akan datang... amin....  *Family Vacation~ FINALLY!*

Syukur. Alhamdulillah. buka mata mesti syukur. hidup lagi. buka mulut mesti syukur. bleh cakap n makan lagi . semua SEMPURNA. hidup ? mesti lah susah sikit. dah nama pun hidup . x kan memanjang nak senang. as said by my mom; "good things dont last, so as the bad things" Be grateful coz u can at least still experience them.

driving.mmg payah. rasa macam nak putus urat jantung sebab nervous punya pasal. nasib ada mama.^_^ Love U MOM! Kuala Kedah, Billion dah sampai.  Hari ni cadang nak p Yan lak. Maybe sampai Titi Hayun kot. :-p tapi apa pun, I can DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahaha love u too, KAN-chan~ Cheesecake.mcm haram. nampak je cantik, bahan pun mudah.cara pun senang. hasil dia: hangit! ciskek betul! tapi Alhamdulillah, walaupun sakit mata memandang namun rasanya tidak menghampakan~ lagipun adik2 suka~ hehehe... ni semua kes nak perabih Cream CHeese sebuku tu.. lepas ni: SUMPAH X BUAT DAH! (cakap je...ntah2 terbit sebiji lagi ciskek tu) ... .......... .......................... gundah. mimpi buruk. pergi jauh. yakin. tabah. mesti boleh!

Tinggal 5 hari orientasi kat sekolah... mula2 masuk, canggung gila... x tau macam mana nak bawa diri... aku sangat bertuah, sebab pembantu2 tadbir kat sini baik2 belaka... peramah... depa bagitau suh rilek2, makan2... hehehe... PK dgn pengetua plak macam ayah n mak.... sgt comfortable... mcm family... tapi spoiler dia, keja sikit... of course people say that i should be grateful that i can relax but i would love to go to school with a purpose, instead of sitting around doing nothing... really... i just cant stay out too long... ifeel that my butt will somehow explode from sitting too long.... hehehehe.... the second week is even worse coz there's only two days of exam.... today is Sunday so no one comes to school... its so quiet n boring.... Tuesday is another day off.. i was planning to clean up my rental room...but dont know yet for sure bout that... anyway, i'm so bored so i decided to start typing my 'Laporan Kajian Tindakan'... God knows how to do it... so far this...

tu lah nama sekolah pertama aku~ nun dihujung jalan Naka, aku panggil dia sekolah dalam kayangan sebab kabus tebal gilo pagi2! sampai kena bg laju wiper tingkap keta.... kalah Genting..... padang sekolah dia sama besaq padang dpn Fakulti ekologi UPM.... dasyat kan? hehehe... students dia x tau la mcm mana lagi tapi, cikgu2 dia, staf2 sokongan, Alhamdulillah, semua peramah, baik2 belaka.... tiga hari aku dok sana (sbb kena p sek sampai 9 dis) , mknn mmg x penah x cukup... dgn kuihnya, dgn nasik lemaknya, ketupat pon ada! baik kan? aku mmg berazam akan cuba yang terbaik untuk sekolah ni... coz this is my very first school! i will give it all in making the school better..... pray for me ya~ photos of the school will be uploaded later~ ^^

Gusar. Gelisah. Gemuruh. Gementar. Regrets. Happy. Curious. Down & Depressed.

bila memikirkan esok. boleh ke aku jadi cikgu? dulu bukan main beria2 nak jd teacher. skang mcm was2 lak. amanh besar ni.kang x jaga leklok, sure go to hell wan... tapi masa praktikal dulu, best jadi cikgu. maybe sbb cuti lama sngt kot, so momentum dia dah hilang. apapun esok hari penentuan. kat mana aku kena campak kat Kedah ni. semoga ALLAH membantu aku dlm mengistiqamahkan diri aku dalam pekerjaan ini...

hohoho~ selamat bertemu kembali ye pembaca~ setelah lama x tulis pape, mulah bertimbun cerita2... disebabkan malas, i think i'll just opt for numbering...hahahahahahaa~ Posting: 15hb hari tu dpt cek kat tenet yg aku kena posting kedah... Alhamdulillah... makbul doa aku... so aku kena la byr nazar... pastu yg x leh blah tu, time raya (perkara 2) boleh lak pakcik2 aku meeting tang mana aku nak p..... bila aku ckp langkawi, semua mcm x suka je... what the fruit man! ok pa... aku lagi jauh dr pekan, lagi best!hehehehe... doa2kan aku dpt sana ye kengkawan... Hari Raya Aidiladha: kalau ikutkan hari ni raya ke-3... yg best raya ni, kek, kuih semua buat sendiri... laku mcm goreng pisang.... hehehehe... sejuk hati, bila tengok balang kosong, pinggan kosong... alhamdulillah... mmg best lah raya kali ni... meriah sgt... sampai sakit badan esoknya... *tanda2 aku dah mula berusia* uhuk3~ berkaitan dgn perkara 1, aku sgt nervous~

Selamat hari raya~ kepada saudara serta saudari~ ceeewah! raya dah nak sampai!!! and for the first time in my life, as my mom said:" u break the tradition ", i break the tradition by baking my own cookies! oh yeah, i know some people might say: "tu pon nak bangga lebih2, buat kuih je pon"... and i know buat KUIH je pon... tp utk org yang dah mengidam lama, ni seumpama pencapaian taraf Olimpik! hahahahaha~  cuma pingat je bukan emas.... ^^ so untuk meraikan kejayaan " I Break The Tradition ", aku buat kuih Choc Chip~ hehehe... ada dekat dua balang la jgk.... hehehe... walaupon tahap x leh jual kat kedai lagi, tapi yg penting, bila masuk anak tekak aku, aku mampu tersenyum~ ^_^ so inilah hasil dia semalam~ agenda hari lak nak buat samperit ulat bulu~ hehehehe~ ntah mcm na rupa dia, aku pon x tau... lantak la rupa dia... yg penting leh Ngap, sudah~heheheh~  Akhir kata, selamat membeli/membuat kuih semua!!!  till then, ciao~

hoho~kembali lagi dalam blog suka hati aku.... skang tgh sebok mendownload cita korea Sungkyunkwan Scandal... best!! yg penting, actors dia suma hensem especially my favourite, Yoon ah In a.k.a Geol-Oh !! ^^ i like bad boys~ what to do....*sigh*... Handsome kan????? ^_^   anyway, since i am sooooo fanatics with korean *language,food, entertainment* , i decided to make their no.1 food, which is kimchi! u heard it right...Kimchi! the thing is, remember that i went for my convocation earlier? i bought the gojuucharo (chili powder) at Little Korean in Ampang~  hehehe~ so since we have all the ingredients needed, i plan to make kimchi! its not that hard, really. all u need to do just cut3, chop3, mix3, n spread3 all over the Chinese cabbage, and wallah! u have ur own Kimchi! here's the picture i took after i have done all the process of the above: that's my legs behind there~ hehehe~ see? its beautiful~ and it taste nice too... but unfortunately the person who requested...

hoho~ selepas cubaan pertama yg kurang berjaya, maka aku kuatkan semangat dan terus membuat Cb lagi!! dan hasilnya: mabeles!!!! keluaq2 ja, terus bedal... mmg masyuk~ sedap x hengat dunia~ tapi sebab 2nd time buat, takut x sedap, so buat sikit ja... makan pon share2 je lah... huhuhu~ pasni ingat nak buat Chocolate Sponge cake lah...siap dgn ising skali~ wow! mmg menariklah! hehehehe~ terbaek!!! .......................................................................................... hidup aku hari2, makan, kemas rumah, basuh pinggan mangkuk, pastu masak... x masak lauk, aku wajib masak dessert~ hehehehe~ kiranya, asyik makan je lah... hehehehe... pastu layan kucing2 aku yg gendut2 tuh~ dah la buas! pastu asyik nak gigit tangan aku ja~ sakit la jebon! huhuhu~ dan aktiviti wajib aku gak: Download cita Korea! yg tu mmg x leh miss! hehehehe~ dat's my life! ....................................................................................... dan bila kita ni terlalu free,(samp...

Ya... ketemu lagi kita dalam rancangan masakan Faezah Yg Bosan~ cewwah! hahaahaha.... masa posa dulu x leh nak try mcm2, pastu sibuk dgn konvo la... skang bila free ni, mula la gatal tgn nak buat mcm2 blk.... disebabkan semlm buat pizza, ada la lebihan dough... ni ikut resepi mak... mak kata bleh buat pizza, bun, donut guna dough ni... so alang2 bnyk, kita buat la bun lak.... Ccccccccheck it out!! Ni yang semlm buat... konon2 sosej bun lilit2 la~ sekali x masak da.. tapi habis jgk... yg sos tu, belasah sos pasta ja.. hehehe~ pastu hari ni, kebosanan menyerang kembali, maka terjadilah CB!!! hahahaha~ bukan mencarut ye... tapi Cinnamon BUns! Walah!! I present u, the very first Cinnamon BUns! nampak je cantik... tapi bila tokak, KKRuk!! bunyi gigi belaga dengan kerak dia... hhuhuhu... hangit lagi~ tapi kat bawah dia ja lah.. tp rasanya, dough ni mmg x leh buat buns la... dia punya tekstur mcm dough pizza, x fluffy mcm roti... nanti2 try lain lah... bg cantik & Sedap! baru...

Punyalah mengidam nak buat MOlten Chocolate Cake, akhirnya tercapai jgk.... huhuhuh~ tp sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan, gagal dahulu baru berjaya~ masa dalam oven~ punya lah happy~^_^ Sekali dia muntah da~~~ Bluek~~~~ tapi memang sedap lah menatang ni!!! serius ckp... nanti nak bg perfect lagi, baru tayang kat fb lak... x baik membazir.... kan2? kita sapu atas roti... sedap woh~ after dessert, kita buat savoury plak~ macam yg jual kat kedai tu.. hehehe~ Best lah masak2 ni... cuma yg x best dia, bahan2 mahal nak mampos! dah la x dak duit, pastu asyik maaaaaaasak ja.... lepas ni kena la restrain diri nak masak pape pon... omma, bianhaeyou~ huhuhuhu

the guilt is there                           and yet i chose to ignore and for that i know                                          one day i shall be damned by Him. i know that                                                            and i still choose to be damned because the ANNOYINGNESS is too much to bear.

The longer i stay at home, the longer i fell like i dont want to be teacher..... i guess the problem lies in me... u see, when i was small, i did say that i want to be a teacher,then as i grew older, i change it  to be 'wanting to take TESL degree'... so when i have achieved that target, i suddenly lost my direction.... oh man~ what am i going to do.... i know deep in my heart, i really like to be wth my students, to be somewhat useful... coz i am just an ordinary person with no special skills or what so ever.... i guess that's why i chose to be a teacher....now that i have finished my study, i dont know what to do... i really hope ALLAH will give me some guidance, for me to choose what's meant for me... i even have the thought of taking a second degree in librarianship coz i looove to be buried in books~ but if took that, i need to spend at least another 2 years studying.... well, i dont mind coz i think i would enjoy it... but then again, i just want to be useful in t...

Tanggal 13 Oktober 2010, saat tangan aku menyentuh Fail Skrol, maka berakhirlah pengajianku di UPM secara rasminya... cewah~ ayat x bleh blah...hahahahaha~Both my parents were there including Ismat n Siti... to bad Mamat couldnt join this event... coz i really would like all of them to be there... the day started of with me waiting for them to arrive at upm from Sun Inn hotel.. as soon they arrived, i went to the hall with Mimi by walking.. penat i tell u!!! belum pakai jubah lagi dah berpeluh2... sampai mama pon komplen, kata muka kami nmpk exhausted sgt~ hoho.. sapa la suh semangat sgt jln kaki... before masuk dewan sempat jumpa faz, agnes, hani, cmore,imah... sat sgt... suynn pon x sempat jumpa dgn family~ bila depa pngl je, terus p beratur, nasib sempat snap gmbq dgn Pn.Ju... sambil berjalan masuk dewan tu, mmg nervous x hengat dunia lah! hahaha... mata dok kerling2 gak, cari my parent... tp x la sampai terteleng2 kepala...hehee...jalan2 ke depan, baru tau kami kena duduk barisan 1...

just reached home at 6.30p.m... so lazy to upload pictures... will do that later~ congratulations to myself & the rest of UPM graduates! Good Night!

lagi tiga hari nak konvo, terdemam n flu la plak... adoiyaii...  tisu dah habis dekat 5 peket dah... ni br lepas makan ubat... harap2 sembuh la ye... mari sambung tidoooo...zzzzzzzz~ ni ubat2 hasil pemberian rumate ku sayang, MUnie~ tengs mate! ^^

Masa kat dewan tu, jumpa ramai sangat kawan2... tp ada jugak kengkawan yang macam x berapa nak suka jumpa kita... hmmm... apa nak buat kan... manusia macam tu lah... hal yang kecik boleh plak diwar2kan,ditanak2 jadik besar... last2 putus macam tu je... aku x kisah sgt, tp sayang la... dah kenal lama kot.... adoi la... benci betul bila jadi macam ni.... tapi untuk kwn2 yang lain, yang betul2 happy jumpa aku, aku nak bagitau kat hangpa, "I MISS U GUYS SOOOO MUCH!!!!" Huhuu... rindunya,,, x bergosip sesama... hahaha... mcm2 story terkeluar... too bad that u guys are busy, kalau x, lagi la meletup! hohoo. Namun, dalam dok seronok berjumpa geng2 lama, terjumpa plak tetttttt.... aish,,, perlu ke nmpk dia selalu... boleh x kalau x nmpk sgt?? dulu x la selalu bertembung, sekarang ni, makin menjadi2 plak... sakit hati aku tau... dah la belum betul2 baik, ni luka blk... pastu bleh plak buat x tau... cis! mencik! mencik! mencik!

bila lama x jumpa, pastu tetiba lepak sama2, mmg bnyk cerita... hehehe~ Best lah... bila jumpa Haikal, Ikhwang, Rafi, Ridwang, Amy, Nana, Wakdol, Apai, Razak,Faizal,(hangpa still sempoi cam dulu gak! :))  pastu jumpa lak dgn ex-roommates, Munie,Azira~ saya rasa sangat gembira!!!! sumpah happy! sbb saya dah lama x jumpa depa suma... pastu mmg bersyukur lah tempah bilik dgn Mimi, coz bleh lepak2 dgn Wani, Leen, Suynn, Mek Da... dah lama x sembang2, gosip, gelak x hengat dunia~ hahahahahahahahah~ siap buat posing2 lagi kat Mid.. mmg dasyat lah kami semlm... jalan2 sampai 8 jam, mcm nak terputus urat kaki... hohoho~  mmg duit tu mengalir je mcm air kat sini, especially masa p Korean Town ngan As sama Anis... mau menagis mak aku kalau dia tau... hahahah~ lg dua jam rehersal konvo, pastu lagi 5 hari konvo dah... pasni, entah bila lak bleh jumpa korang suma.... walaupon kita suma jrng jumpa, tp aku akan ingat hangpa suma selama2 nya... x ksah kita dah kenal 4 tahun ke, dua tahun ...

Yay! akhirnya percutian yg dinantikan! saya mahuberjoli habis-habisan disana.... xsangka, ada hikmah p awal kat kc..... 2hb ada MGG aidilfitri... (makan free~) 3hb plak p Little Korea~ yay! dah lama sgt x p... serius rindu... harap2 bleh beli souvenir kat siti n popo... hehehehe~ i will baudget around rm 50 just for that.... dulu x dak duit, sedih sungguh, skang ada duit skit, leh la adik2 aku merasa apa yng aku rasa... regarding what i feel, i asked my mom about it... usually mother instincts is the best! but she said nothing bad would happen to us... but when i bring up the old lady's name... she had this loooong pause... i suspect what i feel is true... this will get ugly on the 12th..... but perhaps she just doent want to worry me.... honestly, i really long to be with my family, my main family in our house only. no other addition... so that whenever we want to go for a vacation or just a night out, we can simply shut the door and blah! but that doesnt happened since i was born...

damn man! it came again... the unsorted feeling worried... as if this journey will bring bad omen that something bad will happen to my family... Nauzubillahiminzalik.... some how i dont think it's an accident or rather, an incident at home. i really doa to ALLAH  to make my heart calm to protect my family from unwanted accidents to make the journey safe and sound but really, why am i feeling this?? it's suppose to be a happy event for me my convocation, perhaps the last one... since i might not going to further my study anymore. .. a reunion with all my beloved friends whom i miss so much a meeting with my junior  whom are ever so dear to me... i really should be happy for all this n yet i cant sleep, kept thinking this this unease feeling rumbling deep inside my heart...

hari ni genap 5 tahun arwah mak su aku meniggal dunia... aku ingat lagi hari tu, br blk berlari dr admin, isi borang tukar bilik kat matrik dulu... sedih dia, hanya ALLAH ja yg tau... skang sunyi bebenor hidup,... aku syak tok aku jd mcm tu sbb x leh terima hakikat kot sampai skang, yg arwah dah betul2 x dak.... Al-Fatihah... semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dari-Nya.. Amin,,... .......................................................................................................................................................................... dua tiga hari ni, otak aku bengong, hati aku x tenteram... jiwa pon kacau bilau lah.. ni semua sbb mama... tetiba ja call aku suh trn bilik dia,pastu bg duit rm1000, suh pas kat adik aku, kata sorry for not being fair all this long... serius aku x paham apa yg dia ckp pon time tu... yg aku dgq dgn jelas, " mama takut nanti mama halau dia"... halau mamat??? just because dia selalu kata nak bunuh ismat? i dont think its true, its just a...

why? my eyes are extremely heavy i am tired but why? i can't sleep.... the thought of convo which is near approaching is it really the end? i would no longer be there.... why? this is bothering me i dont know why i cant stop thinking worrying regretting? why? i wish i know why is it disturbing my heart my mind why do i feel sad upon this upcoming event??? why on earth i worried so much over nothing???????????

Pergh! Memang kemaruk betul la family aku ni... bapak aku sampai mengidam pizza... adik aku la, mentekedarah samapi x tinggal ap pun kat dia... so hari ni, aku buat la lagi... kali ni base sauce dia buat sendirik... hahaha~ just guna canned tomatoes, garlic, onion, chili powder (ini kasi lebey skit, baru mengancam!),mixed herbs, salt, parsley... siap guna skit buat pasta lagi... mmg syok ah... sotong gan udang rebus setengah minit, pastu perap dgn sos tu... mmg sedap lah! mmg x p Pizza Hut dah la kami~ hahaha~ aku plak bosan dgn sauce tu, bubuh sos lain plak... gulai dgn isi ikan goreng, pastu taboq cheese... mmg mantap! mcm mkn roti arab cicah gulai... sedap x terkata! tok aku yg x penah2 mkn benda2 asing ni, mkn jgk... kagum aku... mak aku kata dia buang tebiat... hahahah~ pape je lah.... btw, sorry, no pictures... so hungry, mmg terus masuk perut... next dish, pasta kot, in larger quantity lak... adik2 aku bukan boleh aku mkn sorang, nak memanjang... ntah bila la nak declare kenyang...

After 5 years, i have finally get to go Perlis again! hahaha~ Get to meet Su & Ros! oh, i miss them so much! At Has's House~ ^_^ get to know a new friend... thanks Has for having me at your house!  (pokok durian togel tu kononnya bg feel mcm dok kat oversea lah... ) We even manage to go beraya at Ros's house and their friend's house, Has, too.... to commomerate our reunion, we decide to go bowling! hahaha~ at 7.30 pm... luckily we can played coz there's tournament at 9pm... hmmm, unfortunately, due of absent from the sport too long, all of us didnt managed to perfom well~ hahaha~ cukup2 makan saja..... my twinny~ hahaha~ "ni adik su ke?" mmg x bleh blah betul... sedih betul, x sempat nak hangout lama2, coz Ros keja the next day, and Su is busy with her assignment,,, i;m too free i guess... hahah~ sorry dear, coz i fell sick n make u sad... i promise next time, i'll eat medicine and bring spirulina to your house... so that i can stay healty...

after so long, i finally get to meet S... to me she still the same, her smile, her face, her size (hehehe...^_^)... but one thing for sure, she is now more matured, calm, cool, n rationale.... as i watch her back while she's sleeping, i realize that that is the back of a strong woman... sturdy and not easily trampled anymore.... she has faced things that, if i were to be at that place, i would end up hanging myself... but she made it! calmly.... that is the ultimate change of her... and i am envious of that.... i too want to be mature.... for once, i really hope that i can faced a problem like she did... using brain instead of mouth n heart~ but i just cant.... i always act using my mouth and that is one thing that i want to change about myself.... but maybe i am a person where changes are really hard to come by... i guess that's just plain me.. . and dear, if u happened to read this, when i said that u r not *toink2* anymore, doesn't mean that u r not funny anymore... it m...

Yosha!!!! at last, the moment we've been waiting for, i mean, i'm waiting for, has arrived! the day i make my own pizza! yummy~ thanks to my mum for making the dough~ we the children just simply spread the dough, n the toppings~(kira buat jgk lah kan...) hahahaa~~ without further ado, the pictures! Ni before masuk oven..... topping dgn ayam gorng berempah, bwng n daun sup... sos, beli jek kat supermarket~ ^_^ ni br je masuk. oven.. semua pakat dok melangut depan oven... lapaq gila katakan... mmg terliur lah! ni x sempat snap yg full... keluaq2 ja, semua sambaq... hahaha~ mmg best lah, cuma x pedas ja.... mmmm~ the product! Akhir kata, mmg berbaloi beli oven! walaupon lmbt, dpn jgk aku merasa panas oven, memasak something, dgn famili aku... till next oven dish!

Ya.... u read it right! in less than 24hours since the first product created, the second one has been borne! we are so bored so we decided to bake a cake! what do u know~ a cake! check out the pictures below! anyway, its my sis's birthday, sweet 17th! Otanjoubi obeneto gozaimas, siti-chan! ni sebelum topping and chocolate parut~ semua dok tunggu dia sejuk, nak terkam dah~ p.s: sejak beli oven ni, mmg dah gila gamaknya kami semua... mesti oven tu menyesal duduk dgn kami... x dan dia nak berehat~ sorry yer cik oven! ^_^

tu dia! hasil pertama aku... kalau tengok rupa dia mmg mcm lempeng tp ini sebenarnya cream puff~ hahaha~ nak buat lagu mana... tepung x cukup, jd ceroi sgt... tinggi je lah dia bleh naik... apapun, mmg sedap lah especially cream dia.... hoho! sgt gembira!!!!! lepas ni maybe buat pizza or sponge cake kot.... yearh! nantikan my second oven dish ya!!! seterusnya, meng'update' raya yg dah lepas.... minggu ni mmg asyik makan ja.... jumaat makan bihun sup , sabtu makan nasi tomato , ahad makan bihun goreng , isnin makan nasi beriani , selasa mkn cream puff , hari ni plak makan laksa sarawak kat secret recipe... tu skali dgn ice blended ... td mkn bihun sup lagi ... esok plak p open house umah wani... makan lagi... yay! makan dan makan! kena kutip balik 4 kilo yg hilang tuh! yosh! gambatte faezah-chan~

Ohoho~ dah lima hari kita raya.... bila sudah melepasi 3,mula la nak rasa boring yg amat... oleh itu, aku dan adik aku beserta mak aku akan memulakan projek post-raya: projek naik berat badan! hahaha~ ^_^ memandangkan aku hilang 4 kg masa posa, mesti la kena tambah blk secepat mungkin.... so, mmg akan mula projek ni hari ni lah... tp entah jd ke tidak je lah... so far projek ini akan dirasmikan oleh Chocolate Cream Puffs... the rest will be listed down here... i really hope we can make what we have listed here, for once! lets get started evryone!! Chocolate cream puffs Pizza Urineun-Style Chocolate Biscuits Chocolate Biscotti Baked Ziti Pasta Chocolate Cake Chocolate Muffins Chocolate Brownies Cinnamon Buns Scones Chocolate Chip Chocolate Sponge Cake AHAhahaha~as u see above, chocolate is the dominator as i loooooooove this cocoa bean product! Gambatte Faezah!!

bangun je pagi, terus start potong dan potong dan potonng dan potong lagi~ hahaha~ maklumlah, bihun sup mmg bnyk rencah... dah tu mkn nasi goreng mak aku... pedas dia mak datuk! gila pedas! terus aku, adik aku dgn mak aku skali berebut bilik ayaq... dem! pastu mula la x leh mkn bnyk sgt,,,sakit perut katakan.., p beraya umah paklong aku br dpt jamah sepinggan mee kuah... td malam sgt lapar... so sup panas, dgn bihun leftover nmpak sgt sedap! apa lagi penuh mangkuk tu aku bubuh, dgn dagingnya, daun supnya, bwng goreng nya, mmg penuh lah! sampai licin mangkuk tu aku bedal... elok2 basuh pinggan, mak aku bgtau.... daging tu dah busuk dah rupanya... hambik kau! mati aku sakit perut esok... time aku lahap bihun tu, mmg sedap, x bau busuk langsung! skang mula la bergerut2 prut aku bunyik~ nmpak gayanya, malam raya aku kat dlm tandas lah kot! hahahaha~ ps: kebuluq tera mana pon, mesti ambik langkah berjaga2 sebelum mkn tau!

esok dah nak raya... nasib baik tahun ni pakcik tolong balut ketupat... bleh gak rest tahun ni... satgi mesti kena start potong segala mak nenek dah... haiz... mmg akan penat lah... tapi rasa macam sedih ja... this might be the last -longest time ever i spend at home... after this, ALLAH knows where i will be chuck at... perhaps that time i might even celebrate with my own family... but then again, only ALLAH knows... i just hope that this Ramadhan bring thousand and one keberkatan to me and my family.... Selamat Hari Raya to all!

Tiap2 tahun, bila dekat ja 1 Syawal, mesti hati, jantung, perut, usus dan segala mak nenek lg bergelora.... "'Itu' mungkin berlaku tahun ini", bermain2 di fikiran... ye lah, bila time ni je,mula la meletus peperangan... yg dipendam pecah, yg ditahan tersembur.... orang hepi ja time nak raya ni... tp aku, aku cukup risau... mcm2 xkena.. yg tu lah, yg ni lah... especially mlm sebelum raya... mau ada yg terburai ayaq mata... aku betui2 doa, tahun ni, jgn lah jd lagi tragedi raya tu... penat kot... tiap2 tahun asyik dok jd benda yg sama... bila benda ni jd mula la hati terdetik, 'aku, kalau lah nabi x kata kahwin tu lengkap separuh agama, jgn haraplah aku kawen'..... apatah lg dok serumah dgn mak mertua.. tobat cek oooi.... aku rela bercerai dr dok dgn in law aku. sumpah!

In my mind I am infinite things I am Organized Peaceful And very well-rested I am Loved Missed Never detested I am Smart Funny A bit of a clown I am Hopeful Faithful A joy to be around I am Productive Progressive And thoroughly prepared I am Tough Strong I'm definitely not scared In my mind I am all of these things and more If only I could find The damn key to that door. *credits to greta130*

officially 21 hours i have been awake... ah, natsukashi~ its been a long time since i've done this crazy thing... the last time i did this is when i am in matric... still remember that we stay up for 24 hours the went for a jog at 6.30am, when back to our room at 10am then slept till 3pm... hahahahaha~ so crazy! anyway, i have no idea why i cant sleep... i am sleepy, i am yawning non-stop... geundae, wae???? waegeurae?? nan bichoso ady... even when i am writing this entry, my eyes are swollen and teary, my body barely able to sit properly, my mouth keep yawning... and yet i am still here... not stepping one inch into the sleeping land... is this wat they call 'INSOMNIA?? '

again, the old turkey buzzard ruined my plan! what is wrong with her??? cant she just left us, do the cooking, if she claimed to be sooooo sick! but nooooooo~ she MUST take out the pan, she MUst lend a hand, she MUst bug us even her fried fish rentung! she just MUst do all that! if this continues, i rather gulp down water for the rest of the Ramadhan! it is such a pity, that me n my dad was planning to cook something,.. he even went out of his way to but the material.. but the only thing we manage to do was marinate it.. that's all... sometimes, i wished that our family is sooo rich, that we get to pay someone to take care of her.. just pay one million, who wouldnt want the money right? then we can have the peace in our life... but then again, it's just a wish~

just when i about to forget, they came back.. myold flames..or i shall say my old crushes... why? i thought that u guys have moved on with your girl... which wasnt me... so u shouldnt be contacting me again... right? then, why? u suddenly send me msgs, sharing songs and funny videos, when i know that u have a gf ady... i'm sorry for being such childish, but i cant be a professional who hides all the pains and befriended u like nothing happened... i cant... and anothe one, *sigh... how should i say this... i really hope that u wouldnt remember the shameful event happened those days.. just remember me b4 it happens... that way, i'll be glad... n please leave me if u r tied to anyone... coz i am me, the childish, jealoused, girl who just to ignorant to accept reality...

was 23 years from today... today is 8th August 2010... i am 23 years old already... somehow i didnt feel that i am at that age, perhaps younger.. hehehehe ^_^... anyhow, woke up super early today... dont know why... msg flooding my walls.. minna, thank u!!! huhuhu~ so many things have happened in this 23 years... me finishing school, me entering matrix, me entering university, now me finished the university ady... waiting for convo... after this, me dont know yet.. what meknows is me want to celebrate Puasa n raya first... hehehe~ well then, salam Ramadhan al-Mubarak~ n Happy Birthday to me~

finally, i can let a breath out calmly... my interview yesterday can be considered a successful one... they ask about english language.. and of course, mesti la pandai goreng2 skit... i took almost half an hour in the room... damn... so long~ well, when it comes to BI, a lot of thing can be datable... so, there we are... she even cut my explanation, coz the time is up... oh well, at least, i know how to answer, kira aci lah... hahahahahaha~ sooooooooooooooooo happy~~~~ ^_^

tomorrow~ May ALLAH bless me.... tomorrow~ May evrything go well... tomorrow~ May the journey of my life is a determined one... tomorrow~ May i grow up and understand the world better.. tomorrow~ May i can smile and smile at all the ridiculous questions thrown... tomorrow~ is another day for me to see my reflection.....

semalam dpt berita, nama aku tersenarai untuk temuduga posting... alhamdulillah, aku gembira.. tp aku sgt takut...takut jd gagap masa interview, takut lupa nama menteri, takut semua lah! huhuhuh~ borang x isi lagi, dokumen2 x fotostat n sahkan lg... nak kena masak lg... haiz... mmg x dak moood lah!! mcm na ni?aku risau ni... nak duduk, berdiri, serba x kena suma... nasib baik peng'inetrview' sorg ja..(kot la coz kat borang, dia cuma reserve satu space tuk panel)... ntah betul ke dak ni... tp kalau betul at least lega la skit hati aku yg gemuruh ni.... pape pon, kena masak jgk... haiz~~~~~~~~

x guna punya org tua!! dia ingat dia tu sapa?? ad ka patut dia kata mak bapak aku tungui kayu!! setannnnnnnnn!!! helooo~ for ur information old mule!my mom acually solved the prob ok! just because u cant hear, u cant see, u bloody assumed that u r the one dat solved it! hah! go bang balls la old duck! u think u r the king in this house??? if it werent my dad, being a filial son, u wouldnt be able to do, eat watvere u like u know! god know where the hell u will be thrown at !! u should learned how to be grateful!!! not simply gossiping around talking bad about my family! claimed dat u r sick, but in front of my dad, shiver like an old turtle!! bloodyful old woman! u know how much misery u gave my mom! i pray to god , may u be burned in the 7th hell!!!!!!

baru nak menikmati hidup yg senang...adk aku br ja jd baik... aku bleh bereksperimen kat dapoq... just 3 solitary days... then she, dat bloody old bitch! started to make noise again... saying crap and bullshits, enough to make all of us scream our heads off!!! God!!! why can't i kill her????? our life would be easier without her... i do pity her.. sincerely.. when she is quiet, sick, and helpless looking... where our business remain as ours, not to be bothered by others.. but once she open her bitchy mouth, i cant stop myself from hating and cursing her!! cant she really see what's happening?? mom's getting grumpier, dad too... fights became common.. screaming is not surprising anymore... godhow i hate this life!!

the class today was extremely fun... in 4M of course... they performed for me.... chin kit and his amazing dance,... obama & minyang - remake of IP man.... beng yau with his robotic cute dance... ryan soon, huei hao, mark andrew with their bobeepbop dance... pingchuan singing my chinese song... and last, me, performing nobody in their class... seriously, i feel like killing myself... *pai seh!!!!! anyway, after this, i have no idea whether the future kids i have will be as fun as them... i will miss them... really... but with 2P, only some of them really care for me... so i just want to keep the nice memory with those who are nice to me only... but then, they're just form 2 kids... maybe sayiing goodbye doesnt meant anything for them.... ah....so much thing will be missed.... suddenly i feel my heart has a little hole already.... *sob sob.....

in three days, i'm officially off the hook of SFI... no more teaching, no more planning the lesson, no more writing the long winding lp ^_^ but then,... no more seeing my sweet students, no more hanging out with the GSTTs at canteen, no more listening to the students crapping, jumping around, doing all the things that tick me off... no more.... should i be sad? should i be happy? i am happy n yet sad... not to the point of crying, but there's something in my heart that wriggles uneasiness... still havent made up my mind whether teaching really suits me... but i will miss them.. despite their ignorance, their immoral attitude, their crap-talk, their ultimate laziness, their fun jokes, DEFINITELY i will miss all that!

yahoo!!! in three weeks i'm officially completed my practical... i know i'llbe missing them but i cant help myself to be happy for this hell months are over! anyway, i still have two weeks left to teach them and they're mood are on off... so i did get depress but thanks to suynn, i recover from the black hole... still, my heart is questioning whether this is my path... well, like miss dzeelfa said, just go with the flow... perhaps in future, i will find it interesting... but if not, i will quit and find other thing to do! hahaha~ ok need to go already... havent finish marking the students book... huhuhu..... all the best faezah!! the torture is going to be over!

its been two months already and hell of a week three observations in two days... the first day was hell as they become so angelic and the class became so dead...do i think i only manage to pass on the line... Dr. wants to see onmprovement so that night struggled with my emotional and physical tiredness (we go back from school at 5pm everyday coz got english week) to create an activity.. thank GOd she gave me some idea but worriness surrounded whether i'm gonna pass or failed the next day... and YAhoO! they are alive! so the class are noisy and she had fun with the boys acting~ I LOve You 4Merah!! as students of course... its saturday and yet have to go to school... damn! so tired... tomorrow only one miserable day to rest and i have to write tonnes of my students essay... *sigh.... gambatte faezah!!

its been 6 weeks we've been in melaka... time flies really fast... still no observation fromour beloved lecturer... hopefully everything will go well for us... today is Good friday, a holiday... will be going to wani's house later.. then have picnic at the beach! yahoo!! *rain, could you please keep your teardrops another day? thanks~

and so, the school holiday reaching its end... and i havent done a slightest work for my teaching next week... damn! why am i soo lazy? i like to teach, and the kids are 'wonderful'... they're just kids... but the thing that i cant stand is the observation... i really hate it.. to be observed and penalized for the things i will be doing in class... i really dont like it at all... and the work load, in term of the lp... gosh~ if only i am a permanent teacher, my lp would be just a paragraph...but i admit, i'm beginning to like teaching... it does give me something, a feeling that i could never experience somewhere else... and i know i would definitely miss them,no matter what is the outcome of my mark, i will miss them.. half of me really want to finish this lp faster, but another half just wishing that i could continue teaching those brats... yeah~ i know, i know... at first i am cursing them, but they are just being plain annoying teenager, just the way i used to be,,,...

yahoo!!!sudah cuti sekolah... haha~ tapi aku x balik rumah sebab ada camping PBSM... first time camping dgn 71 boys... mmg memenantkan dan sgt kelakar... ^_^ especially time diaorang masak... macam nak pecah kantin tu... (hujan so masak dlm kantin) kena buat kari la, roti la, sayur kena goreng la... yg best bersiang ikan... pegang ikan tu mcm pegang anak orang... dua jari ja... ish3... muka macam samseng tp nak belah perut ikan pon takut2... tapi ada sorg student ni mmg terer lah... Braddon nama dia (the one in stripe-shirt)... mmg x leh dok diam... sat2 basuh pinggan, sat2 bersiang ikan, sat2 masak air... b'fast, luch n dinner suma dia yg in charge... hahaha~ terkedu aku tgk skill dia... tp mmg best lah camping ni... first time aku camping kat sekolah... i'm starting to love them ady, the students, the teachers and the school.... they really made my day during the camp...

macam x caya ja dah habis dua minggu... ish2... sat gila... so far ok la... the form 4 starts to become a little bit active and the form 2 become a little bit respectful... but i know my journey is still long, so i would like to make the best out of it... of course i can hope, dream and prepare for the best, but everything is up to HIm, whether it will happen or not...i do wish to be better... to learn things that i never done before in my life... i want to bring the joy of learning at least to one person.. i know there are times i couldnt help from depending to her but i really need her... i know sometimes i annoyed her, but i am really clueless of what she is thinking... normal tings ticks her, normal thought made her angry... how am i suppose to know what is she feeling? i try to be independent but i am not that strong... i know i am stupid for i tend to do things wrongly... but i am not perfect,.. i am sorry if i ever offend you... you are my precious friend.. a friend whom i want ...

one word: TIRED!!! its like a waste for me to worry sooo much for form 4, where as i didnt worried at all for form two and it turned out that form four was ok, but form two, Goodness!! like monkeys in the zoo, non stop talking for hours! i was so damn mad that i feel like i want to rip off their head! God know how i want to do it badly!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHH! enough with the school, now lets talk about my feeling. after this day, i'm going to give a hard thought whether i am continuing my profession as a teacher... of course not now, but i will give myself this two months and really think hard... i will try my best to tame the form two, and keep up the 'good' work for form four... anyhow, its just the first day... i still have 49 days to go... hahahahaha~

just woke up from sleep..had a nightmare last night...damn! i entered the class early then when i wanted to start teaching, a lot of teachers enters... as i bring all my stuff in front, i forgot what to teach!! damn! then suddenly i realized, the materials i brought is for form 4, and i am in the form 2 class! i tell you man, that was scary!! i woke up and quickly i started to plan what to teach for the whole week already... huhuhu~ i think this whole month, i will be having more nightmares as the last week of march will be the time where Dr.jaya will visit us... ALLAH, PLease Give me Courage and calmness for me to face all the challenges!!

yay! first weekend... woke up at 7 but then sleep back and cant sleep that well after that... so decide to bath and wash all my clothes... fuh~ damn a lot! currently waiting for the machine to stop... hurm... a week has passed, and the coming week brings new adventure... thinking of doing literature for form 4 because it is one thing that i am confident with.. hehee... hopefully it will turned out well... for form 2, i am more confident because they are just so cute... exactly like my brother,.. oh how i miss him~ anyway,i will give my lesson plan a very good thought and will try to do my best this monday! Go Go FAe!!!!!!! I can do it!!

today is another shocking day for me... suynn and i went to observe Bro to teachand boy, the class is huge! and the students, are very talkative and i think some of them already hate me... huhu~ i really want to be friend with them but these are boys we're talking about... there's no such thing as being their friend coz you are jeopardizing your credibility and respect from them... i ended up introducing myself in a strict+scared way.... Bro will be staying in the class for a few times and that makes me even nervous... i really hope that i can gain their respect and most importantly, their co-operation... this evening we are having saringan for the coming sports day... it was fun! seeing them run and the teachers becoming more friendlier... i guess that they just want to see whether we are participating in the school events... even the GPK Hem talks to us! hahahaha~ at least that makes me a bit happy but still my hand trembles from the shocked i have today... tomorrow i will b...

as we walk to the school, the students look at us with curious face... as we enter the school, they started to call us teacher... a bit shocking but still can be accepted... then it was assembly time... we were called to the stage adn been introduced to the whole school... a bit of unexpected but the GPK 1 was very diplomatic when introducing us... then we were given the classes and asked to look for the teachers... suynn's teacher was reluctant and uncooperative because she gave suynn freedom to teach whatever she liked and no materials or guidelines given.. thank god my teacher was very friendly and helpful... she even gave me the potato people's book, new lit. book, topics to cover and even advises on how to handle the students.... however, we still haven't met our form 4 teacher at the moment... so we spend the whole day exploring the school, getting to know the teachers and the students and wait for the time to end... 10 mins before the school ends, our teacher arrived...

bangun ja tido tetiba terfikir nak pakai baju apa la, nak bawa apa la, nak p sekolah pukul berapa la, kalau masuk kelas, nak buat aktiviti apa la... pelik kan? x la excited sangat tapi x la kecut perut sangat... am i ok? what is wrong with me? i need anxiety at least a bit coz that what keeps me alert... and more intelligent.. in the sense that if i were to teach tomorrow, my brain would automatically come up with something instantly! the power of anxiety... but if tomorrow i go to school with the feeling i'm having now,,, i'm dead! coz right now i really feel blur and stupid.. i think i need chocolate~ ^_^

tu la... gatai sgt nak p belek lesson plan senior... skali terkejut terus headache... huhuhu... x ku sangka begitu susah nak mengajar english... dulu aku blajaq senang ja... huhuhu mati la aku... aku ni dah la kreatif, malas plak tu... ish2... harap2 lulus la praktikal kali ni... x mau repeat... xmau... tolong lah permudahkan pekerjaan aku ya ALLAH..... takut rasanya nak jejak kai masuk sekolah isnin ni... rasa macam nak mati...

yay!! dah sampai melaka~pkl 7 pagi dah tercangak kat melaka central... tunggu suynn...nasib baik ada suynn...kalo x, huhuhu...mmg mati la aku... thank u suyeon!!! lps tu ayh suynn bw p mkn, siap dapat angpau lagi... muahahaha~ kaya den... sampai ja umah sewa terus cuci, kemas apa yg patut... dapat angpau lagi dari mak eunice... shie shie~ ni yg best kwn multi racial... mcm2 dapat... skang tgh melayan perasaan sensorg coz, fazp jln2 around melaka...esok br blk, eunice plak blk pahang, yee sang celeb, ahad br blk... suynn p buat spek, ptg ni br jumpa blk... hehehe... mlm ni tdo cuma bertemankan miss eng (our landlady) ja... alahai nasib jd perantau yg jauh... tp xpe... at least boleh mengajar aku jd lebih tabah! this is my fight! and i will give my best shot to win it!! gambatte faezah!!!

i will be in the bus on the way to Melaka .... gosh, how time flies~ it feels like only yesterday i entered UPM and now I'm already started to fly away from it... my English is rusty and yet i am going to teach in Eng ed school... omo ! but then again, half part of me despise the practical but the other half welcomes it... because its been years I've only listen to stories about school, how the students behave, funny thing they did, the teachers' behaviour... i want to be in the environment... i want to feel what my mother has been feeling all these years, being a teacher... i want to know whether this is the right path for me... its never too late to go back if somehow one day i discover teaching is not my passion... but for now, i would really like if the question of my destiny can be answered....

haiyo... a news, shocking news today... it is a happy news.. but yet there's something hurtful when i got to know about it... i'm suppose to be happy but why am i sad? i'm sorry gurl... i know i am bad, coz u r my friend... please forgive me bcoz i cant be sincere 100%, but i do know that i always pray for your happiness... maybe in few years time, i will be able to look at you and him without feeling bad or sad but instead pure happiness~