My Life

Yay! akhirnya percutian yg dinantikan! saya mahuberjoli habis-habisan disana.... xsangka, ada hikmah p awal kat kc..... 2hb ada MGG aidilfitri... (makan free~) 3hb plak p Little Korea~ yay! dah lama sgt x p... serius rindu... harap2 bleh beli souvenir kat siti n popo... hehehehe~ i will baudget around rm 50 just for that.... dulu x dak duit, sedih sungguh, skang ada duit skit, leh la adik2 aku merasa apa yng aku rasa... regarding what i feel, i asked my mom about it... usually mother instincts is the best! but she said nothing bad would happen to us... but when i bring up the old lady's name... she had this loooong pause... i suspect what i feel is true... this will get ugly on the 12th..... but perhaps she just doent want to worry me.... honestly, i really long to be with my family, my main family in our house only. no other addition... so that whenever we want to go for a vacation or just a night out, we can simply shut the door and blah! but that doesnt happened since i was born...

damn man! it came again... the unsorted feeling worried... as if this journey will bring bad omen that something bad will happen to my family... Nauzubillahiminzalik.... some how i dont think it's an accident or rather, an incident at home. i really doa to ALLAH  to make my heart calm to protect my family from unwanted accidents to make the journey safe and sound but really, why am i feeling this?? it's suppose to be a happy event for me my convocation, perhaps the last one... since i might not going to further my study anymore. .. a reunion with all my beloved friends whom i miss so much a meeting with my junior  whom are ever so dear to me... i really should be happy for all this n yet i cant sleep, kept thinking this this unease feeling rumbling deep inside my heart...

hari ni genap 5 tahun arwah mak su aku meniggal dunia... aku ingat lagi hari tu, br blk berlari dr admin, isi borang tukar bilik kat matrik dulu... sedih dia, hanya ALLAH ja yg tau... skang sunyi bebenor hidup,... aku syak tok aku jd mcm tu sbb x leh terima hakikat kot sampai skang, yg arwah dah betul2 x dak.... Al-Fatihah... semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dari-Nya.. Amin,,... .......................................................................................................................................................................... dua tiga hari ni, otak aku bengong, hati aku x tenteram... jiwa pon kacau bilau lah.. ni semua sbb mama... tetiba ja call aku suh trn bilik dia,pastu bg duit rm1000, suh pas kat adik aku, kata sorry for not being fair all this long... serius aku x paham apa yg dia ckp pon time tu... yg aku dgq dgn jelas, " mama takut nanti mama halau dia"... halau mamat??? just because dia selalu kata nak bunuh ismat? i dont think its true, its just a...

why? my eyes are extremely heavy i am tired but why? i can't sleep.... the thought of convo which is near approaching is it really the end? i would no longer be there.... why? this is bothering me i dont know why i cant stop thinking worrying regretting? why? i wish i know why is it disturbing my heart my mind why do i feel sad upon this upcoming event??? why on earth i worried so much over nothing???????????

Pergh! Memang kemaruk betul la family aku ni... bapak aku sampai mengidam pizza... adik aku la, mentekedarah samapi x tinggal ap pun kat dia... so hari ni, aku buat la lagi... kali ni base sauce dia buat sendirik... hahaha~ just guna canned tomatoes, garlic, onion, chili powder (ini kasi lebey skit, baru mengancam!),mixed herbs, salt, parsley... siap guna skit buat pasta lagi... mmg syok ah... sotong gan udang rebus setengah minit, pastu perap dgn sos tu... mmg sedap lah! mmg x p Pizza Hut dah la kami~ hahaha~ aku plak bosan dgn sauce tu, bubuh sos lain plak... gulai dgn isi ikan goreng, pastu taboq cheese... mmg mantap! mcm mkn roti arab cicah gulai... sedap x terkata! tok aku yg x penah2 mkn benda2 asing ni, mkn jgk... kagum aku... mak aku kata dia buang tebiat... hahahah~ pape je lah.... btw, sorry, no pictures... so hungry, mmg terus masuk perut... next dish, pasta kot, in larger quantity lak... adik2 aku bukan boleh aku mkn sorang, nak memanjang... ntah bila la nak declare kenyang...

After 5 years, i have finally get to go Perlis again! hahaha~ Get to meet Su & Ros! oh, i miss them so much! At Has's House~ ^_^ get to know a new friend... thanks Has for having me at your house!  (pokok durian togel tu kononnya bg feel mcm dok kat oversea lah... ) We even manage to go beraya at Ros's house and their friend's house, Has, too.... to commomerate our reunion, we decide to go bowling! hahaha~ at 7.30 pm... luckily we can played coz there's tournament at 9pm... hmmm, unfortunately, due of absent from the sport too long, all of us didnt managed to perfom well~ hahaha~ cukup2 makan saja..... my twinny~ hahaha~ "ni adik su ke?" mmg x bleh blah betul... sedih betul, x sempat nak hangout lama2, coz Ros keja the next day, and Su is busy with her assignment,,, i;m too free i guess... hahah~ sorry dear, coz i fell sick n make u sad... i promise next time, i'll eat medicine and bring spirulina to your house... so that i can stay healty...

after so long, i finally get to meet S... to me she still the same, her smile, her face, her size (hehehe...^_^)... but one thing for sure, she is now more matured, calm, cool, n rationale.... as i watch her back while she's sleeping, i realize that that is the back of a strong woman... sturdy and not easily trampled anymore.... she has faced things that, if i were to be at that place, i would end up hanging myself... but she made it! calmly.... that is the ultimate change of her... and i am envious of that.... i too want to be mature.... for once, i really hope that i can faced a problem like she did... using brain instead of mouth n heart~ but i just cant.... i always act using my mouth and that is one thing that i want to change about myself.... but maybe i am a person where changes are really hard to come by... i guess that's just plain me.. . and dear, if u happened to read this, when i said that u r not *toink2* anymore, doesn't mean that u r not funny anymore... it m...

Yosha!!!! at last, the moment we've been waiting for, i mean, i'm waiting for, has arrived! the day i make my own pizza! yummy~ thanks to my mum for making the dough~ we the children just simply spread the dough, n the toppings~(kira buat jgk lah kan...) hahahaa~~ without further ado, the pictures! Ni before masuk oven..... topping dgn ayam gorng berempah, bwng n daun sup... sos, beli jek kat supermarket~ ^_^ ni br je masuk. oven.. semua pakat dok melangut depan oven... lapaq gila katakan... mmg terliur lah! ni x sempat snap yg full... keluaq2 ja, semua sambaq... hahaha~ mmg best lah, cuma x pedas ja.... mmmm~ the product! Akhir kata, mmg berbaloi beli oven! walaupon lmbt, dpn jgk aku merasa panas oven, memasak something, dgn famili aku... till next oven dish!

Ya.... u read it right! in less than 24hours since the first product created, the second one has been borne! we are so bored so we decided to bake a cake! what do u know~ a cake! check out the pictures below! anyway, its my sis's birthday, sweet 17th! Otanjoubi obeneto gozaimas, siti-chan! ni sebelum topping and chocolate parut~ semua dok tunggu dia sejuk, nak terkam dah~ p.s: sejak beli oven ni, mmg dah gila gamaknya kami semua... mesti oven tu menyesal duduk dgn kami... x dan dia nak berehat~ sorry yer cik oven! ^_^

tu dia! hasil pertama aku... kalau tengok rupa dia mmg mcm lempeng tp ini sebenarnya cream puff~ hahaha~ nak buat lagu mana... tepung x cukup, jd ceroi sgt... tinggi je lah dia bleh naik... apapun, mmg sedap lah especially cream dia.... hoho! sgt gembira!!!!! lepas ni maybe buat pizza or sponge cake kot.... yearh! nantikan my second oven dish ya!!! seterusnya, meng'update' raya yg dah lepas.... minggu ni mmg asyik makan ja.... jumaat makan bihun sup , sabtu makan nasi tomato , ahad makan bihun goreng , isnin makan nasi beriani , selasa mkn cream puff , hari ni plak makan laksa sarawak kat secret recipe... tu skali dgn ice blended ... td mkn bihun sup lagi ... esok plak p open house umah wani... makan lagi... yay! makan dan makan! kena kutip balik 4 kilo yg hilang tuh! yosh! gambatte faezah-chan~

Ohoho~ dah lima hari kita raya.... bila sudah melepasi 3,mula la nak rasa boring yg amat... oleh itu, aku dan adik aku beserta mak aku akan memulakan projek post-raya: projek naik berat badan! hahaha~ ^_^ memandangkan aku hilang 4 kg masa posa, mesti la kena tambah blk secepat mungkin.... so, mmg akan mula projek ni hari ni lah... tp entah jd ke tidak je lah... so far projek ini akan dirasmikan oleh Chocolate Cream Puffs... the rest will be listed down here... i really hope we can make what we have listed here, for once! lets get started evryone!! Chocolate cream puffs Pizza Urineun-Style Chocolate Biscuits Chocolate Biscotti Baked Ziti Pasta Chocolate Cake Chocolate Muffins Chocolate Brownies Cinnamon Buns Scones Chocolate Chip Chocolate Sponge Cake AHAhahaha~as u see above, chocolate is the dominator as i loooooooove this cocoa bean product! Gambatte Faezah!!

bangun je pagi, terus start potong dan potong dan potonng dan potong lagi~ hahaha~ maklumlah, bihun sup mmg bnyk rencah... dah tu mkn nasi goreng mak aku... pedas dia mak datuk! gila pedas! terus aku, adik aku dgn mak aku skali berebut bilik ayaq... dem! pastu mula la x leh mkn bnyk sgt,,,sakit perut katakan.., p beraya umah paklong aku br dpt jamah sepinggan mee kuah... td malam sgt lapar... so sup panas, dgn bihun leftover nmpak sgt sedap! apa lagi penuh mangkuk tu aku bubuh, dgn dagingnya, daun supnya, bwng goreng nya, mmg penuh lah! sampai licin mangkuk tu aku bedal... elok2 basuh pinggan, mak aku bgtau.... daging tu dah busuk dah rupanya... hambik kau! mati aku sakit perut esok... time aku lahap bihun tu, mmg sedap, x bau busuk langsung! skang mula la bergerut2 prut aku bunyik~ nmpak gayanya, malam raya aku kat dlm tandas lah kot! hahahaha~ ps: kebuluq tera mana pon, mesti ambik langkah berjaga2 sebelum mkn tau!

esok dah nak raya... nasib baik tahun ni pakcik tolong balut ketupat... bleh gak rest tahun ni... satgi mesti kena start potong segala mak nenek dah... haiz... mmg akan penat lah... tapi rasa macam sedih ja... this might be the last -longest time ever i spend at home... after this, ALLAH knows where i will be chuck at... perhaps that time i might even celebrate with my own family... but then again, only ALLAH knows... i just hope that this Ramadhan bring thousand and one keberkatan to me and my family.... Selamat Hari Raya to all!

Tiap2 tahun, bila dekat ja 1 Syawal, mesti hati, jantung, perut, usus dan segala mak nenek lg bergelora.... "'Itu' mungkin berlaku tahun ini", bermain2 di fikiran... ye lah, bila time ni je,mula la meletus peperangan... yg dipendam pecah, yg ditahan tersembur.... orang hepi ja time nak raya ni... tp aku, aku cukup risau... mcm2 xkena.. yg tu lah, yg ni lah... especially mlm sebelum raya... mau ada yg terburai ayaq mata... aku betui2 doa, tahun ni, jgn lah jd lagi tragedi raya tu... penat kot... tiap2 tahun asyik dok jd benda yg sama... bila benda ni jd mula la hati terdetik, 'aku, kalau lah nabi x kata kahwin tu lengkap separuh agama, jgn haraplah aku kawen'..... apatah lg dok serumah dgn mak mertua.. tobat cek oooi.... aku rela bercerai dr dok dgn in law aku. sumpah!

In my mind I am infinite things I am Organized Peaceful And very well-rested I am Loved Missed Never detested I am Smart Funny A bit of a clown I am Hopeful Faithful A joy to be around I am Productive Progressive And thoroughly prepared I am Tough Strong I'm definitely not scared In my mind I am all of these things and more If only I could find The damn key to that door. *credits to greta130*

officially 21 hours i have been awake... ah, natsukashi~ its been a long time since i've done this crazy thing... the last time i did this is when i am in matric... still remember that we stay up for 24 hours the went for a jog at 6.30am, when back to our room at 10am then slept till 3pm... hahahahaha~ so crazy! anyway, i have no idea why i cant sleep... i am sleepy, i am yawning non-stop... geundae, wae???? waegeurae?? nan bichoso ady... even when i am writing this entry, my eyes are swollen and teary, my body barely able to sit properly, my mouth keep yawning... and yet i am still here... not stepping one inch into the sleeping land... is this wat they call 'INSOMNIA?? '