after 2 years of teaching... finally i can say that i have found some happiness in it... it used to be a torture going to school... i hate it.. suffered through it... but this year, alhamdulillah... its been better... seeing the kids i taught two years ago... grown up now in form 5... some are still the same... some became even quiet, some talkative... some who have made my life so miserables, now keep greets me whenever he sees me... how can i stay angry with them? some who are so shy, barely say a word.. now when she sees me, she will greets me, asks me questions.. became more cheerful, smiling always... its good to see them change... of course not all are flowers and glitters... but because of this some... i have come to like the teaching itself.. maybe its the experience, maybe its the age, maybe because of my surrounding that have moulded me, somehow turned me into a little bit matured... a little bit ok... well, i still have a long way to go... maybe next year will be terrible, w
ok, so i am not that enthusiastic to go... the whole day i fret... keep whining to everyone i came across with... keep telling them how i hate to go to the (&*%%#^ course.... when the clock hit 1.00pm, i started my car, following my friend... we arrived quite early, had our prayer and then rushed to the room as the session has started... since it is the first day, it is forgiven, but we were told that next time the minutes of tardiness will be counted and will be deducted from the 480 hours~ oh dear... we need to go for at least 456hours... so we sat there, feeling wronged... during house keeping, the teachers bombarded the 'pemantau' with questions,... many things were revealed except our marks... :-( we all really want to know our mark but they just wont revealed it... anyhow, the session started.. out trainer named Fatemeh, an Iranian... the activities are indeed nice! i managed to make a new friend whom was posted the same year with me, same age with same birth month! h
its been three months now... and thursday is the closing ceremony already, which means the orientation period has ended.. yet, i still feel as if i entered the school yesterday, clueless, insecure... i really wish that my prayer will be answered... i really dont know who to tell this to anymore... because even i dont understand myself... i wanna quit, but can i? if so, is there anything suitable for me out there? is this really my path? will i finally enjoy teaching? or will i suffer? so many questions keep poppeing in my head, to the point that i almost give up... i just feel that i had enough of it... that i dont have what it takes to be a TEACHER!
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