My Life

well, it's rather early to be posting about the year 2014... but seeing a '4' at the end, reminds me that next year will be my fourth year teaching at Naka... how time flies~ it still feels like it was yesterday when i walked to the office to report for my first day... how awkward... how anxious... now when i step into the office, i am happy to see such familiar faces.. greeted with warmth and knowing they will help me with anything.... new year, new things, new faces of students... part of me is excited to start school, get back into routine, but most part of me dread this nearing-end holiday.... this is the fist time where i dont really get to sit around at home... so many events, outings that made me went out... out of 44 days of holiday, i am at home less than 14 days.... hmm..... i hope next year will be better... with new programme coming up, i hope that non of them would make me neglect my students like this year... though we did achieve the highest number of As and

susahnya jadi muda.... walau pun kita betul, kena mengaku salah.... walaupun nampak orang buat salah, kita kena diam x leh kata apa2.... telan saja sapa yg ada.... x leh bantah, x leh lawan.... sedihnya.... bila kawan baik... yang dianggap kakak.... menganggap kesalahannya itu betul... menganggap teguran ku sebagai satu penghinaan... diam.... x kata apa2... dia x mahu minta maaf... aku pun sama... tapi nmpaknya salah... aku yang muda x boleh buat mcam org tua... salah aku kerana x kata2 apa2.... sekarang sudah hilang.... persahabatan yg aku sgt sayang.... tiada harapan.... aku tau bukan salah aku.... salah aku kah sebab x mau minta maaf.?????? diam aku disalahertikan.... diam aku ibarat melawan.... tidak adil... aku senyum di luar, menangis di dalam... berhari2.... menunggu... yg x akan kembali.... yg sudah salah erti... mungkin ada hikmahnya... tapi Tuhan,... besar sungguh penderitaannya.... HAD I KNOWN MY SILENCE WOULD BE MISINTERPRETED, I WOULD  NOT THINK TWICE TO OPEN MY MOUTH!

hmm... sekejap ja aku dah melangkaui suku abad.... alhamdulillah masih sihat, masih diberikan kesempatan bernafas di muka bumi... masih diberi kenikmatan dunia... dan seperti biasa, soalan2 cepumas pun mula diutara...  hmm.. jodoh itu satu bentuk rezeki, maka redha lah jika rezeki itu lambat sedikit... x perlu kalut, x perlu bimbang... ALLAH sudah pun menulis segala2nya tatkala kita lahir saja dimuka bumi ini... oleh itu, mengapa harus kita takut? mengapa harus kita risau?  hmm... ada sesetengah orang kata kenapa x cari?  dan ada juga sesetengah kata x pa, nanti ada la tu... ada yg berkawan sampai bertahun2, last2 kahwin dengan yg baru kenal 2 bulan.... ada yg bercinta dgn org lain, tp kahwin dengan dgn org lain... semuanya dah tertulis... ada yg mencari, masih x kunjung tiba... ada yg menanti, yg hadir bertimpa2...  itu semua rezeki masing2... so, cukup2 lah wahai manusia... letih nak menjawab... aku redha, aku sabar... jika jodoh ku di dunia. pasti dia akan tiba... jika tidak,

ever since my last post, i have been so busy preparing the script for my students for debate district level.. so many challenges, hindrances, from setting up the place to cleaning the place back... no one helped us... just the two of u... running here and there making sure that everything is ready... we won though... will be representing our district today... but because our victory had somewhat became a burden to school and the dictrict, it doesnt taste as sweet as it should be... of course the thought of forfeiting did come to our mind... but thinking of our students, we just swallow all the injustices... and today, we are going for a battle which only we know the outcome... May ALLAH bless all of us.... 

huwaaaaaa~~ esok org nak mai observe!! serabut2... perut dok start bergelodak dah ni... damn la... aku paling x suka perasaan ni... cepat la habis hari esok... x sabar nak tunggu hari rabu... cuti!

had a mental breakdown this morning... reason? work overload~ lately, a lot of things demanded my precious time... Debate, exams, AJKs, and now A.S.S.ignments !! gosh~ i feel like i'm doing master with assignments, online module to be done... microteachings to come... huhuhu.... soon my body will starts to break down too.... hopefully i can complete all those by their respective datelines....

esok org nak observe... kalau dapat markah rendah, kena observe lagi sekali... huhuhu... mungkin lebih... risaunya.... PBS pun sama... dah la jaga fail induk.. fail individu pun x start lagi.. Mei ni depa nak turun dah.. risau~ sekarang dah bulan april... banyak lagi syllabus x cover... sgt kebelakang... nanti exam mid year nak jawab mcm mana... risau2... baca berita... korea utara dgn korea selatan lak nak perang... boleh decide cepat2 sikit nak perang ke x... huhuu... kang dah landing sana tetiba meletup bom, parah.... risau4... segala mak nenek sumbat semua sekali time april ni... oh my~ bagi la risau ni hilang Ya ALLAH~

could you please move slower... i'm competing with you... struggling, breathless to finish evrything within given time... so many work, so little time... too exhausted, too numb... still, there are works left behind... oh no! can i make it? i have too!! please time, i beg you... put the end to my misery...

after 2 years of teaching... finally i can say that i have found some happiness in it... it used to be a torture going to school... i hate it.. suffered through it... but this year, alhamdulillah... its been better... seeing the kids i taught two years ago... grown up now in form 5... some are still the same... some became even quiet, some talkative... some who have made my life so miserables, now keep greets me whenever he sees me... how can i stay angry with them? some who are so shy, barely say a word.. now when she sees me, she will greets me, asks me questions.. became more cheerful, smiling always... its good to see them change... of course not all are flowers and glitters... but because of this some... i have come to like the teaching itself.. maybe its the experience, maybe its the age, maybe because of my surrounding that have moulded me, somehow turned me into a little bit matured... a little bit ok... well, i still have a long way to go... maybe next year will be terrible, w

ok, so i am not that enthusiastic to go... the whole day i fret... keep whining to everyone i came across with... keep telling them how i hate to go to the (&*%%#^ course.... when the clock hit 1.00pm, i started my car, following my friend... we arrived quite early, had our prayer and then rushed to the room as the session has started... since it is the first day, it is forgiven, but we were told that next time the minutes of tardiness will be counted and will be deducted from the 480 hours~ oh dear... we need to go for at least 456hours... so we sat there, feeling wronged... during house keeping, the teachers bombarded the 'pemantau' with questions,... many things were revealed except our marks... :-( we all really want to know our mark but they just wont revealed it... anyhow, the session started.. out trainer named Fatemeh, an Iranian... the activities are indeed nice! i managed to make a new friend whom was posted the same year with me, same age with same birth month! h

today is the second day of school... what a hectic day yesterday... totally exhausted... slept at 9pm last night.. today was way better... kids are ok... i think la... hehehe... well today is 2nd January of the year 2013... i have moved out from my previous house at quarters... at fist i was hesitant, whether this is a good choice of not... but now, i am glad that i moved out.. i am very happy with my new life living alone... of course sometimes i do feel lonely, but i am much happier,... ^^ this year will also be my fist year teaching good classes... 1st & 2nd class of Form 2, and 1st class of form 3... being the teacher who have been teaching last classes for two years, i am very nervous with my new beginning... can i really carry this 'amanah'? i have no idea what to teach or how to teach good classes... huhuhu... i guess i am too comfortable teaching those kids... i hope i can do well this year.. aftter all, this will be the last for  PMR... and also in PBS, i hope i c