My Life

dekat2 nak sekolah ni makin rancak aku update blog ni... tu tandanya stress sudah mula membukit... walaupun esok just daftar n kemas kelas ja... tapi serius aku stress.. boleh x cam tu? bengong tul aku... dari pagi tadi lagi aku dok stress...  makan pun sikit2 ja... duduk pun serba x kena... buku rekod siap isi dah... esok tinggal nak tulis lesson plan untuk hari selasa ni...  aaaaaaaaa.... awat ni paezah oi... setahun dah kot... tapi awat aku x ingat langsung apa yg aku buat tahun lepas... teruk betui la hang ni!

pergh... balik dari meeting tadi terus rasa nervous... nak kata baru, ni second time dah... maybe sebab cuti lama sangat kot.. rasa cam nak terpitam ja bila dengar amanat2 utk tahun 2012... walhal, kalau banding dengan tahun lepas, banyak lagi highlight dalam takwim tahun lepas... tapi tetiba ja perasaan ni muncul... ish, x suka lah! seriously, i wanna start next year with at least a good mood.. a good feeling... then i know what's spoiling it... 1. there will be observation on the first day.. 10 people will be observed! ( God how i hate observation! i even doa last year to avoid from being observed) 2. i am entrust to be (again) a class teacher, to the same class... and will be teaching english to form 3 , form 4 and form 5 students! dammit! how can i separate my mind, thoughts and everything else... do they expect me to switch just like that when i enter form 3 class, then suddenly switch back to form 4 mode in less than 5 mins? r u kidding me????!!!  i am seriously in dist

terima kasih ALLAH.. sbb bg aku mimpi dia... walaupun dalam realiti kami x mungkin jadi kawan dah tapi sekurang2nya dalam mimpi, kami masih bertegur sapa buat lawak macam besa... rindunya zaman dulu.... rindu kat dia... dia ingat lagi ke x aku ni gamaknya..... huhuhu....... * i miss you so much... sorry for everything that happened *

WEI BODO! HANG NI AWAT BENGAP SGT??? DAH TAU MCM TU PUNYA RESULT, BERUBAH LA... HANG INGAT AKU PANDAI KA DULU? AKU X PANDAI OK! TAPI AKU BERUSAHA SBB AKU X MAU P ****! SO YOU WANT SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO LOOSE SOMETHING TOO!! BUT WHY ON EARTH SUCH SIMPLE THING LIKE THAT CANT BE RESTORED IN YOUR DAMN MIND??? HUH?? THEN, YOU WANT O BLAME OTHERS. HELLO! OTHERS MIGHT NOT BE AS CLEVER AS YOU BUT ONE THING THEY HAVE: MANNER! APPARENTLY YOU DONT HAVE THAT! OF COURSE BEING HUMAN, PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU BY YOUR BEHAVIOUR. IF YOU BEHAVE LIKE A BARBARIAN, WITH CHICKEN BRAIN, OF COURSE ANY GOOD THING YOU DO IS IGNORED!!! IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU WELL, THEN BE A GOOD BOY! THEN, NO ONE WILL SAY ANYTHING EVEN IF YOU'RE A SERIAL KILLER BEHIND THEIR BACK! URGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY, I AM ONE INCH FROM SLAPPING YOUR FACE! INSTEAD APOLOGISING, YOU JUST TALK BACK! SOOOO BLOODY RUDE! NOW, I DONT WANT TO GIVE A DAMN BOUT YOU! SUIT YOURSEL! YOU WANT TO DIE, THEN GO AHEAD! I HAVE ADV

Don~ Don~ Money~ MOney~ Duit~ Duit~  bila dapat je mmg suka hati... bila habis ja terus susah hati... bila deal dgn dia banyak2 jadi sakit hati... oh duit mengapa hang dok bagi kacau bilau hati ni??? oh well, x dak benda yg senang dalam hidup ni... mungkin dah tertulis... yang penting dah berusaha... sekarang semuanya di tangan ALLAH~ p/s: esok kena p sekolah... oh~ x sukanya... bukan sbb apa, tapi ni petanda... cuti sekolah dah nak habissssssss~~~ huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :-(

wah~ dah masuk empat hari OPS NIPPON kat umah... fuh~ mmg penat gila... tu baru satu bilik... ni macam nak merebak ke ruang tamu lak... hehehe... cat sampat lebam2 tangan.. hari ni cuti rehat sat sebab ada lagi cat yang x sampai... pastu abah cadang buang langsir... dia nak makeover lak deco kat ruang tamu tu... honestly, i am soooooo EXCITED !! well, we're stuck with the yellow and orange wall for like almost 10 years... so i guess its time to change... we're planning for blue, a two-tone blue wall for the living room... the blue is gorgeous! i think i will paint my room with the same blue too~ heheheh... anyway, since today is a rest day, i guess i better mekae full use of it... Drama time~~~~ weeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! BENCI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AKU PALING X SUKA ADHOC NI!! WHY?? WHY??? MMG PERLU KA AKU YANG P??? HELLLO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ KAT SEKOLAH TU ADA 80+ CIKGU OK. BUT WHU CHOOSE ME???? DAH LA AKU DOK JAUH! X KAN LA X DAK LANGSUNG CIKGU YG DOK DEKAT & BLEH P TOLONG????????????? YA...YA... I KNOW THAT THERE IS BLOODY PEKELILING SAYING THAT TEACHERS CAN BE CALLED 1/3 OF THEIR HOLIDAYS~ BUT COME ON LA... I HAVE WORK MY BUTT OUT FOR THOSE FORM 3 STUDENTS.. LET ME REST WILL YA!! CALL OTHER TEACHERS WHO HARDLY MOVE THEIR FINGERS FOR THE WHOLE YEAR! BUT WHY ME??????????????????? I HELPED WITH THE TRANSPORTATION.. SO WHOULD IT KILL YOU PEOPLE TO CALL OTHER MARRIED-AND-PERHAPS-ARE-BORED-TO-DEATH-AT-HOME TEACHERS TO GO?????? SERIOUSLY, I DONT UNDERSTAND!

of becoming a human.. of being a sister............ of being the  eldest..... of being a daughter....... and the latest, of being a friend......... me and my bloody......... *sigh* why cant i be like other people who can just switch to such good and comfortable-with personality then perhaps, all of the failure will go away... fakers are hated , so does pretenders ... but the same goes to one stupid-honest-with-no-boundaries person like me .

its been a year... the very day i stepped into my school... with anxiety,blurriness, and anticipation such unfamiliar faces but glowing with warmth~ now its been a year... their faces become known still glowing with warmth... and cheerfulness i am grateful... i have spent my first year in this school (despite the downs i've faced with the students ) well, i thought of celebrating my first year anniversary of becoming a teacher but i'm stuck in the house, wrapped in blankets like a caterpillar, down with flu & fever uhuk~uhuk~ i wanna eat Pizza , Big Apple & Ice Blended ... huhuuhuu :-(

three days, i'm on the bed coughing, running nose, with fever Gosh...what a way to start the holiday~ but 'sakit tu kifarah dosa'... maybe dosa aku banyak dah kot, so kena la kurangkan balik.. heehehe.. tapi honestly speaking, i wanna go home!!!! huhuhuhu... but i cant drive more than 5 mins... i get dizzy... how am i to survive one hour drive? my mum asked me to call her so that she can fetch me.. but how can i trouble her? to come all the way here, just to fetch me home.. i'm not that cruel u know... oh well, enough of rambling... time to sleep some more... Good morning~ ^^ *p/s: time2 ni, kalau ada 'somebody' kan best~ hehehe :p*

t arikh yg datang seribu tahun sekali...  lagi 4 hari cuti sekolah...  kerja makin banyak...  sepatutnya, keja tu makin sikit lah kan...  ni x, makin berlonggok...  hari ni nak masak pasta... hehehe...  sat lagi nak p market, beli tomato dgn udang...  cuaca baik hari ni... ada kabus, walaupun matahari dah memancar... kuarters sunyi sangat... semua orang x bangun lagi kot...  aku lapaq... nak p bersiap lah.. bye~ P/s: entri ntah pape kan? heehehe... saja nak tulis sbb tarikh hari ni cantik sgt~ ^_^ have a nice day everyone~

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! REALLY FRUSTRATED! IS IT MY FAULT FOR WANTING HIM TO LEARN BOUT THE VALUE OF MONEY???!! I KNOW LA YOU BLOODY RICH BUT DO U REALLY NEED TO SPEND FREELY??? YG SORG LAGI TU PUN SAMA, DAH TAU DIA BOROS, INGAT KOT LA SOKONG... BLEH PLAK P SEBELAH BUDAK TU... DULU DIA YANG BISING SEBAB DUIT MAKAN X GUNA LA, PERABIS DUIT SGT LA, ALIH2 BLEH PLAK KELUAQ AYAT 'DAH TU DUIT DIA'... BENGANGNYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINE! CHOWA! SPEND LA YOUR BLOODY MONEY! BUT DONT COME CRAWLING FOR MY MONEY!!!

Selepas dua minggu menjadik pemburu + along , akhirnya aku bleh la tarik nafas lega skit... sumpah! tobat x mau buat dah! uhuk2... sesungguhnya menjadik guru in-charge buat lawatan sangat menyiksakan... dgn kanak2 riang yg sesuka hati tarik diri bila aku dah bayaq duit tiket... mmg mencabar keimanan aku... sabo je lah! esok tinggal lagi 4 orang yg x byr + p IKBN bayar duit sewa bas.. haish... aku sgt fed-up sampai rasa macam x mau p ja... biaq cikgu2 sekalian tu yg p... aku x kesah pun dah... letih aku terkejar2 budak2 mangkuk tu... yg sakit hati tu, budak kelas andai yg buat hal tu... apa kes! nasib baik dah settle... lepas ni lantak p la hangpa... jgn bagi aku jumpa muka hangpa dah la... i wont be nice to you anymore! huh! lepas hari rabu ni, aku syak aku lagi bahagia... semoga perjalanan hari rabu ini berjalan dengan lancar....

hoho~ betapa bahagianya bila hari khamis 14 Oct, aku naik bas dgn ewani, p KL~ hahahaahaha... bye2 sekolah for a while... mmg plan baek punya lah trip ni... aku save duit dua bulan in advanced... asalnya nak p konvo hycarl and the geng ja, skali adik aku pun konvo time tu gak... nasib baik sidang pagi...         Hari Jumaat, kami outing p Mid Valley~ destinasi pertama: SUBWAY! wah~~~~ best gila Tuna Sandwich dia.. mmg marvelous lah! then merayau2 sampai 6 jam cari jeans cik Wani... first time aku tawaf Mid semua kedai, setiap tingkat (kecuali tngkat atas skali)... x jumpa jgk... then, berhenti makan kat Ajumma~ Sam Sam Korean Food! aaaaa... betapa nyamanya tekak bila Kimchi Jiggae yg pedas tu laju turun masuk perut... mmg puas hati lah makan kat situ... then... kawan ewani mai n jalan dgn wani, ao aku dgn Suynn p tengok movie 'What's Your NUmber'~ pergh, i learned A LOT! bout sex... hahahahaha... in a very educational way... then, before going back, again we visited the A

i save my 100th post, hoping to write something nice and happy... but it was just a dream, too difficult to become true...indeed, a bad, terrible news, which i have been anticipated since april... it finally reached to me... direct & bold, from whom his authority would never been question... who am i to say no... despite many reasons i gave, i saw the noose slowly tightening my neck, slow but sure... a nightmare indeed... a nightmare which it will be too difficult to wake up from.... lucky me, a person is there to share my burdensome feeling, somehow gave comfort for this clouded heart... i know i need a miracle to loosen the noose, a miracle, as its name behold, something that is almost impossible to become reality.....i should have kept it to myself, but how can i?? such news, slowly eating me from inside, like acid, burning, destroying, turning everything into ugliness... oh life... would u ever be so kind, to let me smile again? 

ryeyhtryty

merry christmas~ eh,silap! hehehe.... mana ada krismas... ada hari exam ja~ YEAH!! hahahahaha... start esok, aku x ayh dah ajaq kelas form 3 aku... yahooooooo!!! depa akan start PMR lusa... bukan aku x suka depa, cuma jantung aku dah sampai max dah...dengan karenah depa tu... so, now my dearest heart can rest~ hehehe... ^_^ anyway, i sincerely wished them good luck... my prayers are for those who study and really work hard...  GOOD LUCK MY KIDS!! 파이팅 ! がんばって ！ 祝你好运！  

mencik! puding tri fle x jadik ! cair semacam ja... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa macam na ni? kesian haousemate... mianhaeyo my housemate,........ T.T

in six days time, my kids will be sitting for their PMR exam... and i, as their teacher, am sooooo nervous! i felt that i am lacking a lot, and they will be affected by my lackingness... huhuhuhu.... and the moment of happiness i've felt has gone~ aigoo.... and then just now, my 'beloved' PK asked to observe me!! ayoyoyo... its already the end of the year... nothing to teach and i am discussing the paper two with them... final year exam is in a week n a half time.... i cant simply teach them something... argh... so troublesome! i will do what i am doing...just need to improve my english and use it at least 50%! must remember that... ah.... so hate this feeling... why la we need to be observed.. its not that we're a lab rat or something that need to be constantly stared at and being evaluated! gosh... faster la PMR & final year... i need my rest!

Pergh! dah lama kot aku x teriak tgk cita korea... huhuhu... mmg sedih lah... cita ' Scent Of A Woman "... Lee Dong Wook (Gong Chan) & Kim Sun Ah (Sam-soon) yg berlakon... part lawak, mmg kelakar habis lah.. tapi part sedih mmg mcm sungai lah ayaq mata tu.... well, the reason why i write about this drama is because...it really thaught me to appreciate life... the smallest thing like seeing your mom smile, or making others happy, is so meaningful... the one that i am so grateful of is my health... i am healthy. and that is the biggest gift of my life... and i am grateful for that... Alhamdulillah.... if you have the chance, you should watch it... really worth every tears....

This is a second time the camp was being held. and i am worried. why? because i would not want to face the nightmare again! so i had small talk with the girls... hopefully they listen and just hold back till PMR finished... hopefully... anyway, i was appointed as Assistant of Camp Commander ...can you believe that!! just because i am single and live near, they expect me to be there 24/7... huh... like i will,,, but since its my duty, i went there every two hours... just to make sure the kids are okay... later will be going again, to take their attendance... just for safety purposes... aish... PMR is just 3 weeks away, and i am soooo worried about their performance... really worried... and this camp is not a good idea actually, because its adhoc and the kids are too tired from the stayback programme already... if i were them, i would have shutdown long time ago.... but then, who i am to complaint... i can just follow, and obey~

tiada lagi cuti yg tinggal, kelas tambahan yg berderet beserta jadual anjal yg panjang cepat la oktober... x sabar nak p kl nih!

Raya: Gilo lah raya kali ni... x bergerak aku dari pkl 8 pagi sampai 6.30 petang melayan tetamu yg mai... penat gila! non-stop family & friends mai terjah... habis kek choc & cornflakes... huhuhu... dadih pin hilang gak, naseb baik dan songlap skit sembunyi... hehehe... mlm pun meriah sbb anak murid mak aku mai... elok depa blk, aku pun boom! Zzzzzz..... pagi td mak bgtau, lepas depa blk, mai lagi makcik sedara aku & her family... sian mak aku sensorang melayan... Mianhaeyo omma~~~~  Hari kedua ni lak... x p mana jugak... sbb abah sakit2 badan... kerja keras sgt... aku lak terlantar keletihan & kesakitan... mcm besa, bulanan punya... hai la.... boring betui! nak p jenjalan makan pun x leh... plan nak p kola kedah beraya pun cancel... hhuhuu Merdeka: Yes! hari ni ulang tahun ke-54 negaraku Malaysia merdeka! ramai orang lebihkan raya sampai lupa hari ni merdeka... mmg kita terlalu senang.. x perasan pengorbanan yang dilakukan oleh atok2 kita dulu2... apa pun, aku san

choc hip cookies dgn samperit dah siap... hari ni just kemas bilik and rehat... malam ni sambung dgn cornflakes madu lak... esok balut ketupat adn buat kek~ wah... meriahnya raya ni... hehehehe~ macam2 ada.... kepada ewani yg sedang membaca, bawa blk kuih raya wey, aku konfirm p umah hang sbb x blk umah bulan sept ni... hehehe.... anyway, bulan posa ni, aku rasa bnyk markah yg kena potong... asal time kelas je, mesti aku marah2... maklumlah, 1st time posa as a teacher.. kesabaran x cukup lagi nak hadap bebudak ribena suma tuh... huhuu.... apa pun, harap2, kalau panjang umur, tahun depan kena perbaiki lagi posa aku ni... well, Selamat Hari Raya suma!!!! maaf zahir & batin, andai terkasar bahasa terganas fizikal... heheheh....

who knows that today was another surprise for me... i was having a nice chat with the teachers when suddenly the boys started to cheer on something... boys being boys, so we just ignore.. then the cheers got bigger. i rushed to the window and saw a girl holding up a wooden chair. A FIGHT! and its my class! i ran straight  down to the scene... the class was in a mess.. apparently the kids who ran from camp last months fought... 3 vs 1... i was shocked to see the condition of the victim... she was in complete traumatic and embarrassed... it wasnt a nice fight as they slammed her head against the floor... the wooden chair almost hit her but thank god there are teachers who got there first. she cried, obviously scared and i took her to the 'Bilik Rawatan". her hands were shaking. she kept crying. i waited with her, scared that the other three might attack her. after some time, she told me the reason for their fight... boy. a boy who chose her instead of her friend, a boy who break

celik je mata, terbaca satu status... 'Thank u kerajaan Malaysia~"... terus buka CIMBClicks... wow! ada duit banyak... hehehe... bonus sudah masyuk... mcm2 kena beli... Alhamdulillah... bonus sampai tepat pada masanya... among the things: Bayar PTPTN... (bg genap angka dia... hehehe) Bateri Laptop (dah dekat 3 bulan x dak bateri... asyik padam je bila blackout T.T) Barangan untuk rumah terbuka Hari Raya Duit raya untuk mama & abah (huhuhu... aku anak yg teruk... baru nak start bagi.. Bianhae appa, omma) Bayar Streamyx (which until today x sampai2 lagi... damn...) Simpanan ASB...(sian dia... dah lama bebenor aku x huluq...) so.... bulan ni, still no extra for me... Liar~ hahahahaha... aku siap beli novel 6 buah lagi, plus another 6 dari sekolah... kekekeke... so mmg cantik bajet aku bulan ni... hopefully bulan depan lagi stabil.... and then i can perform my filial duty.... InsyaALLAH...

achievement? yes. alot. what are they? knowledge.friendship. but not satisfaction.yet. why not? because of those 'angels' who stopped me from being stupidly kind who stopped me from being ignorantly caring who stopped me from being a teacher. why them? not yourself? because i try. really? yes! then? what? give up? no! absolutely no! i love my school! and that's a fact! so, what's with the whine? tired, i guess. wait! just............. FED-UP! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~

melangkaui umur 24 tiada apa yang berbeza  melainkan menghampiri kematian gembira hanya seketika kemudian .... bosan. ya,... aku bosan dgn hidup di sini semakin lama semakin mual maafkan aku andai coretan ini mencalar perasaan guru-guru yang lain tapi ini yang jujur aku rasakan seumpama tertelan makanan semalam yang pasti membawa rasa kurang enak  memulas-mulas, menarik-narik,  setiap sendi yang ada dalam badan tapi mungkin mual ini hanya sekejap makan ubat lalu ianya hilang aku akan terus menuggu ubat itu penawar mual yang bergelodak dalam sanubariku~

dead tired. really dead tired. even my legs started to give up on me...  Thanks to school, during Ramadhan, we can go back at 12.35pm~ Ahh~~~ i am so happy... coz the period also reduced to 30 mins only~ yesssssss!!! hahahahaa~ i'm so evil...

it wasnt! it turned out to be the worst day of my life! first, i got a phone call from my 'penyelaras Form 3' so i went to see her it turned out that I will be the NEW penyelaras! PK suggested my name coz she'll be giving birth this August damn! ok fine... i think i can still manage it then, i went to class i have no idea what got into this girl a polite gurl turned into a very rude girl she's late almost 30 mins entering the class without saying sorry distributing shirts when i am talking in front as if i am invinsible! my god!!!!!!!!!!!! berapi aku!  nasib baik waktu tinggal 5 min ja aku terus blah keluaq then, i have another class with the monsters~~ they are double hyper, double rude, double talkative at first i scream, i ran after them, i beat them jokingly they laugh, have fun then when i ask them to do work one just simply throw the paper aside and start talking loudly then the Siamese entered the class singing, making noise after i scold them, they ran away wh

three promising girls so young so full with dream longing for adventure i know i understand i too, once was young  like you... but why?? should u do this thing for i am worry sick of your whereabouts... you and your friends three promising girls... why did you jeopardize your life for that one moment of lust & passion when you can get the whole of it in a matter of time with your future con firm in your hand.... p/s: I AM HONESTLY WORRIED-SICK OF YOU THREE!!! MAMPOS AKU TABOH HANGPA BILA AKU DAPAT NANTI!!!!!! RISAU TAU TAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sesungguhnya, its a dreadful week! why its dreadful u ask? since Sun-Wed, i went back home at 4.30pm...  and for ur extra information,  i went to school at 6.30am...  God knows how tired i am... so today after coming back school,  starving like ghost, icook rice, 2 pots... and fell asleep till 15 mins ago... hahahaha...  i shall fried it later... meetings, finishing the PLBS (those forsaken people are coming again!) really, cant they leave this school alone??  we're doing fine, thank you~ we have so many things to do before the 'pecutan akhir' moment arrive... then, everyday we'll be going back at 3pm... for 2 months straight... luckily during Ramadhan, we finished school at 12.30pm... hehhe just wanna expressed my sense of loneliness and lost... those dreadful feeling!  like inseparable twin, they're stuck with me..... i wonder if there will be a time where i enjoy teaching......... again...................i wonder...................

it started on sun... as usual, the assembly... right when she told that PPD will be coming, i planned to run... so i decided to take wed n thurs off... and use medical check up as a reason... besides i havent went back home for nearly one month... and so off i went to the hospital kuala nerang on thurs... previously i went to court for 'angkat sumpah'.... at hospital, my aunt who worked as a nurse there helped me... the process was smooth and evrything was completed within 4 hours... instead of three days... then the last procedure is to see the doctor... once he took out my x-ray, he said there's something wrong with it.... i felt uneasy... so he asked me to take another x-ray just in case i didnt stand straight... but the result is still the same; my spine bend to right abit... and it look do obvious on the x-ray... and then he dropped the bombshell, he suspect that i have scoliosis @ S-spine... i was speechless... tears brimming my eyes... then he wrote a referral letter

day 1 bertolak dari sekolah (hari Rabu) destinasi pertama: Lost World of Tambun!! beeeeeeeeeeest! naik kapal 200 darjah,  tengok haiwan (raccoon yg comey)  1st time seeing guinea pigs upclose&personal~  gemok2 belaka~  then rendam2 skit, siap!  terus bertolak ke Cameron!!!! best lah! sejuk macam ais... cakap pun keluar asap... tapi sbb sampai lewat petang, x dak kedai sgt....  so teru check in kat apartment.. no aircond or fan coz its freezing!!  so bloody cold man... bawa selimut pun x cukup... day 2: bgn pagi2 bertolak ke gerai makan dulu nasi lemak dia ok, sambal dia manis,,, *gulp... aku ni dah la pantang skit manis... next destination: strawberry farm!! besaq2 strawberry dia, tapi yg merah2 semua dia lock.. (kedekut betul) bought 2 packs for my mum... siti tried their ice cream.. quite nice... then we went to Bharat Tea House... apparently we went there too early depa x bukak lagi so just snapped a few pictures, then off we go to another place bought chocs, and flavoured te

IT IS SUCH A 'LOVELY' DAY!!!!!! AT SCHOOL, I AM THE ONE SEARCHING FRANTICALLY LIKE A MAD WOMAN FOR PARTICIPANTS FOR THE GAMES! THEN, NEED TO DO THE PROGRAMME BOOK FOR THIS COMING TEACHER'S DAY! THEN NEED TO MAKE SURE MY HOUSE HAVE APPROPRIATE ATTIRE ON THE SPORT DYA! THEN MY BELOVED WASHING MACHINE BROKE DOWN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IT IS ALL HAPPENING!! MY BODY IS SOOOOOOO TIRED I SWEAR I COULD DROP DEAD ANYTIME SOON! PLEASE LA MACHINE! YOU ARE ONLY 6MONTHS OLD!!! NOT EVEN A YEAR! WHY ON EARTH DO U NEED TO BREAK DOWN AT THIS MOMENT!

well, everything started with something which should not been done in the first place... but it happened... and so lead to another heart-tearing-head-exploding-tears-strolling moment.... but then, it doesnt matter,,,,for i know i am not at fault.... though the anger need more time to subside...... still there is hope, i think, for the streamyx will be officially install today... home i rush to... waiting eagerly for the man to arrive.... and then, its done! the moment of anticipation,.... and excitement.... which turned to disappointment... for i learned that megaupload was banned by streamyx! i mean come on! i pay 110 per month, getting the speed of 1Mbs and yet they block the one and only purpose of this installation! now... i am to jump and surf and search... in finding another source for my escapism.... hope... i know u are there... and i will find u.... definitely!

well, its been almost two monts i've left this blog... sorry for the late post... its school holiday now... yeay!!! but somehow or rather i dont feel that excited... a lot of things didnt go as i have planned... and the (&*&^* did something again that made all of us mad! damn it! she always like that.. waiting for us to leave the house and BAM! something new appear! as if whatever in our house is not enough still.... huh!  enough with OTB... since it's school holiday, i am supposed to indulge myself in peace, happiness, serenity etc etc... but NOOOOOOO~~ sitting next to me is what all teachers in the world fear.....Exam Papers! lots of it.... *though i am looking 'sebelah mata' only at it now, soon i have to, i repeat HAVE to look at all those with my eyes~~~~ aigooooooo.... really sien la... so bloody lazy... . huhuhu.... then, i am supposed to meet my beautiful, gorgeous, bubbly twin this holiday,, but Allah knows if it can be made into reality... she fac

alahai... sangat la x tau nak buat apa.... dua minggu lepas punya lah sibuk sampai makan pun x sempat,,.. minggu ni sgt lah lenggang... minggu depan busy blk... huhuhuu... sbb pengetua nak bersara.. tp yg syoknya ahad cuti, isnin belejaq mcm besa, selasa ada kenduri, rabu majlis perpisahan... kamis baru blejaq mcm besa blk... hehehe... suke i~ ^^ pastu mnggu seterusnya exam form 4 n 5... 22 mei baru exam form 3... ada can la goyang kaki.. tapi sebelum tu, kena bertarung habiskan syllabus... kang naya je budak2 ni x leh jawab.... speaking of my children, ada je yg nak menyakitkan hati tau... last week form 4, now form 3... ada ke dgn terang lagi benderang, depa ponteng kelas,. siap lambai2 kat aku... hantu betui aih.... aku cakap je , 'yg duduk luar tu nak ponteng ka? kalau nak ponteng, x yah masuk" terus depa kona lari dari kelas... pergh... mendidih aku... ni yg rasa nak sumpah2 nih! yg form 4 pun sama... suka sgt dok kat tangga, so apa lagi, aku pun suh dok tagga last wee

kalau sebulan, x jadi pape kat aku, mmg x sah... this time, my car again... tayar dia pecah... so mau x mau kena la call my knight n shining amour a.k.a my DAD! huhuhuhu.... nasib baik hari jumaat... belek mai belek pi, rupa2nya makcik caltex tu x reti bubuh angin... x pecah pun... just pancit ja..... he suspect ada org yg bagi bocor... hurm... maybe lah kot... aku kat mulut celaka dengan budak perangai celaka... so x mustahil kalau ada yg terasa n nak balas dendam ke hape.... apa2 pun, kerana kes ini, maka aku pun kena lah balik umah.... plannya nak balik minggu depan.... dah kalut2 macam ni, aku blk melenggang je lah.... sepanjang drive blk, mulut asyik mengucap je... mana la tau kan, kot2 meletup ke tayar tu tgh jalan, x ke mampus.... so blk ni aku bawa 60km/h je.... kesian daddy yg follow kat belakang... dia mana bleh bawak slow... ngantuk,,, so selamatlah aku pulang ke rumah.... huhuhuh... jiwa mmg kacau bilau kemarin... ye lah, rabu kamis ni kena bawa budak p pedu... lagi la stre

its been three months now... and thursday is the closing ceremony already, which means the orientation period has ended.. yet, i still feel as if i entered the school yesterday, clueless, insecure... i really wish that my prayer will be answered... i really dont know who to tell this to anymore... because even i dont understand myself... i wanna quit, but can i? if so, is there anything suitable for me out there? is this really my path? will i finally enjoy teaching? or will i suffer? so many questions keep poppeing in my head, to the point that i almost give up... i just feel that i had enough of it... that i dont have what it takes to be a TEACHER!

it was fun to hang out with you...  though it was short, but this time i was able to make sweet memories with my family and friends....  although it will be heartbreaking to part with you, but i know, someday we will meet again.,. until that moment comes, i shall cherished the joy you've been giving me for the last 6 days......  so many things happened i.e.                    i went to the peak of Gunung Jerai with my best friend,                    going out with my siblings,                    my best friend went for surgery after coming down from that gunung,                    and me spending time in KMC for a day...  all that will be unforgettable experienced....  i shall braced the coming two months.....   for i know it will be filled with hardships, sorrow, mistakes and errors, but at the end, you. my lovely sweet blissfully holiday, shall returned to me.......  until then, sayonara~

Hohoho~ skang cuti sekolah... so apa lagi... joli sampai pagi la... hehehe... hari sabtu ahad balik Penang... dan la mkn Domino .... nyum2~ pastu kelmarin besday adikku yg pemalu tu... he's 21 already~ so we had a feast! KFC n Big Apple ... mkn macam ulaq sawa... sedap gilo~~~~ esok outing dgn Su n Ros... mkn McD n Secret Recipe maybe... huahuahua~ gila lah! asyik makaaaaaaaaaaaaaan ja..... nasi pun dah jadi 4 pinggan sehari sejak cuti kat umah ni.... hehehe... nasib ongkos ada.... kalau x, haru jugak... esok petang ada puding lagi... pergh, mmg gemok ah aku cuti sekolah ni.... maybe badan aku pun tau, kat Naka tu aku jarang mkn, so bila kat umah ja, otomatik dia increase speed and quantity... hehehe... I love u Myself~ u always know what best for me~ kikikiki.... so before this heavenly time ends, i shall enjoy my life to the fullest! Kanpai! Yam Seng! let's enjoy!

tapi hidup masih sebegitu rupa... aku masih stress.... masih belum jumpa kemanisan mengajar budak-budak sekolah.... masih rasa menyesal..... sampai bila??? aku mahu redha. aku mahu berusaha. aku x mahu berputus asa... kerana apabila aku jadi sebegitu rupa, aku x akan peduli akan akibatnya.... aku akan mula mengajar sambil lewa....  aku x mahu jadi manusia itu. TIDAK!  ALLAH, tolonglah jauhkan aku dari sifat malas, sifat berputus asa, sifat x mahu mencuba.... berikan aku kekuatan utuk mengahdapai segala ujian dan cabaran yg telah tertulis buatku....  semoga aku tabah. p/s: yang membuatkan aku masih bertahan, aku bukan keseorangan.....

MULA LA RASA MCM NAK SEPAK TERAJANG, PENABOH SEBIJIK DUA, MULUT PUN START MCM NAK JADI HARAM SKIT PERANGAI PUN MULA NAK JADIK MCM SETAN...... .......................STOPPPPPPP!!!!!........... ish2.... nasib baik sempat control... kalau x, yg atas td tu mmg dah jadik kenyataan dah! seriously, aku mmg rasa mcm nak buat semua benda atas tu... tapi bila pikiaq2 blk, aku zaman tu, aku x kan suka kalau org buat benda2 mcm tu kat aku... so i held back! but then, the consequences of the ction is my heart is in critical condition! due to the sometimes-nice-sometimes-bad appearance, they seem to care what i think, or what i do... they think that i am inhuman, as i dont feel anything and will ignore evrything... sadly i'm not...    so now, shall i become the SATAN?? then only they will care?? i know that once i become that, they wont respect, like or even talk to me... i dont want that as they are my precious fisrt batch students... at least my first year's students are memorable and re

its been four weeks since i first report duty at this school.... well, i started the school sem by crashing my car at the pole in the school,...and unfortunately, i celebrated a month living in naka by flying off the motorbike in an accident last tuesday! hahahaha.... bloody damned~ twice in a month...luckily not badly injured... just big,blue bruise on my left leg... its hideous! other than that i received an injection and the left hand which wasnt suppose to hurt, aching for two days already..... dammit~ *sigh* is this a premonition that i wasnt belong here? such terrible things... the kids even make fun off me... but i dont care that... but i miss the trekking.... huhuhu.... was hoping that i could jalan2 with them... but...haiz...... n again, i hate co-ed school.... why must there be an aigoo??? that make my heart skipped a beat or too when i bumped into him????? doshitte??? come on la faezah...arent u too old to have crushes?? people might think u as a freak! benci betui la!!!!!!

Many times i suppose i shall be having this feelings the dreadful ones... i really need to grow up... i want to stop being dependent and start being independent! each time leaving, i feel sad though i know the fact that they are always here for me still i feel that dreadful feelings.. how i wish i can be numb when  there are time like this so i wont show my worries and make my parents worried over me ah......i feel so useless i want to be an adult!  Damn! ^%&%*%^*^#*(^*#@

akhirnya berakhir sesi persekolahan hari pertama tahun 2011.... first tie jejak kaki masuk kelas.... mcm bengong ja... sebab.... budak sendiri pun x tau depa kelas mana.... huhuu.... apakan daya... aku boleh melihat saja sebab aku bukan guru kelas depa.... pastu masuk kelas form 3 lak, buat la introduction section.... sesungguhnya, aku amat bersyukur kerana depa semua baik2 belaka... mmg x dinafikan ada jgk sorg dua yg buat dono ja tapi overall, they want to learn but their level is a little bit low.... so, all i need to do is work harder in making them understand.... i really pity them... n i really want to see them pass their eng paper.... lets just pray that ALLAH will open their mind and heart to study this year.... Semoga ALLAH memberkati persekolahan anak2 muridku tahun ini.... Amin.....

tahun baru mesti la ada azam baru tahun ni nak...... 1. kumpul duit nak p Korea 2. jadi guru kelas yang berdedikasi 3. nak jadi cikgu yang rajin Dan yang paling penting:   Nak Jadi Lebih Dewasa! tahun2 lepas still bleh lompat sana sini, buat perangai yg x ketahuan hala asyik tidoq ja, makan n online... so harap tahun ni bila buat decision tu pikiaq banyk kali mesti pandai bawa diri adapt dgn kawasan baru mesti berani n yakin pada diri sendiri... dan bila semua ni terlaksana, Baru lah bleh laksana azam no 2 & 3!! *Happy New Year Everyone*